Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Jim BeloucheBag

If there's one thing Smails hates, it's show boaters. And the biggest show boater of them all is Jim Belushi.

What makes this post hard is that Jim "Little John" Belushi played one of my favorite roles of all time in one of my favorite movies of all time. The lines he had in that film are used on a regular basis by Smails and Rage. His role carved the way for me longing, as a kid, to eventually live in the city on the north side (done) and having a best friend who's banging Demi Moore. One out of two ain't bad.

I liked him for a long time... up until a personal experience I had with him at the 1991 NHL All Star Game at the Old Barn on Madison. You see, Jim was the celebrity mascot for the Hawks. It was a neat idea by the NHL to have celebrity mascots, one of whom was Fred Rogers for the Penguins. True story. My personal experience for this ambassador for the crest was being in the beer line at one of the vending areas and having him cut in line ahead of the guy in front of me. He charmingly asked the guy if he could cut ahead. The guy said, "Yes." But when he asked for an autograph, Belushi scowled and said," Sorry. I don't have time for you." He grabbed his beer and ducked into a doorway next to the vending area. From that point forward, it pained me to think that Litko would treat the common man like that.

So it was no surprise to me that now that the Cubs are doing well, who shows up to sing the "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" on the last day but the fair weather Belushi. What really surprised me is that the Cubs chose Belushi to be the celebrity master of ceremonies at today's idiotic rally at Daley Plaza downtown.

So, how did the venerable Chicagoan do? Well, he introduced Crane Kenney as "Crane Kennedy," Kosuke Fukudome as "Koske Fukunome" and Jeff Samarzija as "Jeff Smarzgfhkjhg." At least he kicked things off by singing "Sweet Home Chicago" before collecting his paycheck for the appearance.

C'mon, Cub brass. Are you trying to tell me there wasn't a better celebrity Cubs fan to lead this thing? No? Well, here is what would have been my short list:
  • John Cusack -- Not only is he spotted quite regularly at Wrigley, but with childhood friend Jeremy Piven now getting way more tang than him, it would have been a good esteem booster for him.
  • William Petersen -- Bill is a lifelong Cubs fan. He also has baseball prowess from an acting perspective, having played the Crash Davis-esque role in "Long Gone," the HBO film about minor league ball which came out around the time of "Bull Durham."
    Smails
    note: I one time asked him a question about his role in that film when he was a guest host on WSCR back in 1997.
  • Bill Murray -- Sure he makes tons of money, making him tops on the affordable list, but I am pretty certain he would have made concessions to emcee the rally. He is a huge Cubs fan and even demanded a TV with satellite connection in 2003 when he was filming overseas during the 2003 playoffs.
  • Jeff Garlin -- Sure, he came out on an HBO (his employer) special about the Cubs a couple of years back, but in a recent WGN special about the Cubs, he was interviewed about Andre Dawson's homer in his last home at bat at Wrigley in 1987 (I believe.).
  • George Will -- I just vomited.
  • Ryno -- All I can say is, "Duh."
  • Joe Mantegna -- Imagine Fat Tony introducing Ron Santo. "We'd break his legs, but he no longer has them."
  • Bonnie Hunt -- Actually, Bonnie would have been my personal choice, even though I have never liked a piece of her work. She is a huuuuuuge Cubs fan, goes to opening day every year, is loved by many and would have been real in every word she said. She loves the Cubs more than anything, and although she has had many Cubs TV booth visits, she is humble about it and rather than yapping about her next failed movie or TV show, she acts like a fan--real. Also, she is H-O-double-T: Hot.
  • Notice how I didn't mention Dennis Franz? He shouldn't have shown his ample carriage in the buff on NYPD Blue.
So, there you have it, Cubs. You could have done better than Belushi. What scares me the most about today, aside from early celebrating being a jinx, is Belushi's appearance in the video recap of the 1990-1991 Blackhawks, that team for which he was mascot, when he forcibly looked into the camera and said, "Blackhawks. Gonna go all the way. This is the year." They finished the year with the best record in the NHL and got swept in the first round of the playoffs by the now nonexistent Minnesota North Stars.

Don't ever lose your sense of humor, Jim. Don't EVER LOSE your sense of humor!

Judge Elihu Smails

This Whole Saving the Country Thing Sure Makes Me Hungry

It looks like the Original Maverick's attempt at media glorification, as he swooped in to save the country from financial collapse, may have proven it to be what actually was and who he actually is: a blatant media ploy, and a man with the worst campaign manager in the world.

So we got through the weekend of Maverick's campaign suspension, which included all sorts of news about the bail-out bill, the late-night meeting, the line item arguments, etc., and then came yesterday, when two-thirds of Republicans in the House voted against the bill, thus killing it and sending the economy into a landslide.

As of today, the finger pointing and juxtaposing continues on the Hill and in the news. Those issues are for another post. This one is for McCain, who has prostituted this issue in a far worse fashion than the way Bush prostituted the lives of the people who died on 911, and with results that are blowing up in his hands.

You see, for the past day and a half, McCain has gone into rallies, skewering Barack Obama for phoning it in and blaming him for the financial catastrophe. As it turns out, McCain, although in Washington, spent most of his time on his office phone, lobbying his party to pass the bill. ON THE PHONE. Check.

And when the congressmen and women worked through the night to revise the bill into something passable, where was McCain? Was he in the room, Maverick that he is, taking on those big guys and forging through the bill? Nope. He was on a double-date at CityZen, one of the most expensive restaurants in D.C.

He's right. He is a Maverick. While most Americans would have expected a man who caused such a ballyhoo about this economic crater issue to be in D.C. working these congressmen and women over until the bill was passed, he threw us a curve ball and decided to chat it up with Lieberman over Sweet Butter Poached Maine Lobster with Braised Swiss Chard and Toigo Farms Yellow Corn Chowder and Pineapple Sorbet With Rum Gelee and Coconut Broth.

Mmm. Delicious. That's no foil-wrapped Ho-Ho, but it's definitely something.

How very Maverick of you, McCain. To be so self-indulged that you think people won't read into this bullshit. This is a time of great economic turmoil, where millions of Americans stand to lose their jobs, retirement savings and homes, and you use this to ballyhoo yourself in the media? To gain a few more points in the economic polls? For shame, man.

For the record, I used to like McCain. I thought he wussed in the 2000 primaries during the Rove-spewed whisper campaigns against him, but that at the time showed me a man of above-the-fray character. What happened? When did you become such a dick?

To our seven readers and those two people who hate these blog postings, can you really tell me this is the leadership you want for the next four years? I don't know about you, but I am tired of my and my child's futures being gambled away by presidential administrations bent on their own personal agendas. And his runner-up? C'mon. She has gone from charm school to really needing to have gone to school. It's entirely frightening to me that nearly half (and dropping) of this country would still put this situation in our White House.

You'll get nothing and like it!

Judge Elihu Smails

Monday, September 29, 2008

Give Me Foil-Wrapped Ding Dongs or Give Me Death!

As Smails prepares his diatribe against Congress and the Republicans for failing to pass the Bailout bill, I'll turn my attention to more important things -- like why the hell can't I get foil-wrapped Hostess Ding Dongs in the Midwest?

I can't remember when they started putting Ding Dongs in plastic wrap instead of aluminum foil, but it was a sad day indeed.

What I recall more clearly was the day I found out they still sold them in aluminum foil in certain areas of the country. I was in Las Vegas working a trade show and one of my colleagues went out to pick up some snacks for the staff.

She asked me if I wanted a Ding Dong, and being a fan of any food that will make me die a little sooner, I said sure. Then she handed it to me in the beautiful aluminum foil wrap (aaaahhhh .... good times). I yelled out, "Holy shit! Where'd you get these?!" Her response, "What the hell's the matter with you? You're acting like a four-year-old!"

I told her she didn't understand ... that I hadn't seen a foil-wrapped Ding Dong since I was a kid, and that I could only get the plastic wrap snacks in the Midwest, which somehow takes away from the taste.

She told me that I was a moron, but then right after that exchange, another colleague of mine came in and had the exact same reaction I did.

I'm not sure why foil-wrapped Ding Dongs taste better, they just do. It could be because it reminds me of my childhood -- when my only cares in the world were if the Cubs won and whether I would wake up early enough on Saturday to watch my favorite cartoons, and I didn't have to worry about paying more than $3,200 in taxes to bail out rich bastards who screwed over the country with their greed. Or, it could just be that plastic wrap makes food taste like crap. Who knows, six in one hand, half a dozen in the other.

Bottom line -- I think we need to start a new web site to gather signatures to encourage Hostess to start selling foil-wrapped Ding Dongs nationwide, so I (and others I'm sure) can to stop toting them back with me from San Francisco. Then we can turn our attention to the dairy farmers, who punish us by not selling Egg Nog year round (more on that around Christmas.)

RoadRage

Friday, September 26, 2008

Paying for incompetence

As long as we're all weighing in on the whole financial crisis, I thought I'd add my two cents. I saw a couple of lines buried in a newspaper article yesterday that just made my blood crawl. It was just a throwaway to the main piece, but to me should've been the focus.



One bone of contention between Congress and the President, apparently, is a plan to reduce the pay of the executives who led their respective companies into this mess. How they hell can there be any question on this matter? Those guys should be happy they're not being put into the stocks so all the investors who are losing money left and right and all the taxpayers who will be paying for this bailout for many years while these ass clowns sip expensive brandy in their posh country clubs can throw rotted fruit and vegetables at them! Holy suffering Christ in a green hat!

I'm their defenders will be saying it's more complicated than that. But they are the leaders of their organizations and supposedly financial wizards. If that is true, how can they not know that lending money to people who don't have the wherewithal to pay it back is a bad idea? Even Cobb knows that, and he's no financial wizard. He can barely balance his checkbook.



These guys should be forced to work day and night to make up for what they've done. They should be forced to give up their hoity-toity lifestyles and pay the most of their personal fortunes to get the bailouts going. They need to take responsibility for their failures, just like they took ample rewards for manipulating the system to show short-term gains. If you do that, then I think you can pay them the generous salary of $30,000 a year so they can support themselves and their families.



But that will never happen. These so-called leaders are in the old boys' club, so they will get off with a slap on the wrist while us average joes take it up the ass yet again.



It says "In God We Trust" right on the money they squandered. Looks like we can't trust anyone else.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I'm Off to Save My Country! Right After I Tell Katie Couric

Methinks the McCain camp has finally shot itself so squarely in the foot that the bleeding may not stop. Yesterday, the "Original Maverick" McCain suspended his campaign to go save the country from economic turmoil. When Smails first learned of the suspension of the campaign from Rage yesterday, I thought it was due to some medical emergency, but alas it was to save our country from this economic tail spin.

From the word go, you could smell something, and the bruising from this will take a long time for this camp to heal.

1. While McCain was being lauded by the Jeff Greenfields of the world for doing something so maverick, it actually turns out that the trip to D.C. was discussed by both campaigns and that they were going to make a joint statement. Maverick that he is, McCain pressed on, proving that he is not a stand-up guy, but a backstabbing showboater.

2. Why do you suspend your campaign to handle one issue? As senator, did he cancel bills to concentrate on one hearing? As president, will he be able to handle the pressure of multiple crises? Why didn't he just go to Washington, not make an announcement that he was cancelling his campaign, get his photo ops with the other senators and then get out of town as the fly-in maverick?

3. Where is your vice presidential nominee? Why can't she pick it up on the campaign trail for you and handle all media inquiries? Right. Because she was busy trying to explain to Katie Couric last night what a conflict of interest is, when asked about Herbert Allison, former McCain finance advisor now running Fannie Mae, one of the companies my tax dollars and my kid's tax dollars will pay to bail out?

4. You should have known she was with Katie. Even if you didn't at the time, I'm sure Katie told you when you were doing your live in-studio interview, when you were supposed to be on Letterman. The same Letterman you called to cancel because you were on a flight to D.C. to save the country. What you didn't consider is that Letterman might be a bit angry and also works for the same network as Katie, so he was able to tap into your live interview during his show taping, when you were supposed to be there.

Johnny boy, you've got a real mess on your hands here. Going into tomorrow's debate on the heels of what could possibly outdo Gary Hart's picture, Michael Dukakis's shot in the tank wearing the helmet and Bush Sr.'s "Read my lips." The image that will play over and over again in commercials and in our minds is of you getting makeup put on you, when you were supposedly in a plane on your way to save our country. I'll leave out the parts about not letting your vice presidential candidate run things on your behalf.

The man is a menace!

Judge Elihu Smails

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Do You Know Who Else Is Gay? MacGyver

In dual attempts to clear the air and help us get on with our pathetic, boring lives, Clay Aiken and Lindsay Lohan have both officially come out of the closet. We just had way too much trouble reading between the lines of a makeup wearing, effeminate theater boy and a spiraling one-time hottie who posts love letters to her lesbian DJ chick.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Clay and Lindsay, for thinking any one of us gives two hoots where you shove your show.

I've sent people your age to the gas chamber. I didn't have to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

Judge Elihu Smails

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

O'Douls ... Get Your O'Douls Here!!!

Let me preface this post by letting everyone know that I am not a drinker, and with a name like RoadRage, I'm guessing that is a good thing.

Chicago Mayor Richard Daley is making news today. He's personally my favorite mayor of all-time -- if I could move to Chicago for two months every four years to vote for him, I would. That being said, his latest mayoral move is just plain stupid.

Daley, an admitted White Sox fan, has asked bars near U.S. Cellular Field and Wrigley Field to stop serving beer after the seventh inning during possible playoff clinching games. So, the taverns that have served beer to Chicago Cubs and White Sox patrons for decades, should "voluntarily" shut-off the taps during what could be the biggest games in the city's history.

This would, theoretically, impact less than a half dozen nights, but shouldn't local bar owners be able to reap the benefits of being in business by actually doing what they're in business to do -- during their potentially pique hours of the year/decade/millennium?

Maybe Mayor Daley should ask Macy's to close the day after Thanksgiving from 5:00 a.m. until 10:00 a.m. to reduce the potential of stampedes by unruly mobs? Or how about asking all of the city's Hallmark stores to close for a week before Mother's Day, so that people don't get paper cuts on their tongues while licking envelopes?

It's just an asinine request. Daley says that it's common sense -- that when somebody's stumbling over drunk, they shouldn't be served. And, he's definitely right -- that's why there are laws already in place to stop bartenders from serving customers that are clearly intoxicated (i.e. stumbling over drunk, being verbally or physically abusive to others). If they serve them, the taverns are legally liable for accidents they cause, or injuries they inflict on other people.

So, why should bars and their patrons who know their limits be punished? The answer is, that they shouldn't. As a non-drinker, I understand that people want to celebrate this hopefully historical year for the Cubs, and I think they should be able to drink their beer of choice or other alcohol of choice, and not be forced to drink down swill like O'Douls.

In fact, if the Cubs do win this year, don't be surprised if RoadRage goes on one of his rare binges and is three sheets to the wind on Jaggermeister, singing "How Dry I am!" down Waveland Avenue with my dad and my buddies Fieldery, Smails and Mum-Ra.

Go Cubs!

RoadRage

And the Mr. Oblivious Award for 2008 Goes To...

Even with late heroics from Lance Berkman to pick up this year's coveted Mr. Oblivious Award, ladies and gentleman, members of the Oblivious Dufuses Society of America, my fellow bloggers, this year's award goes to...... Roger Clemens!

What a year Clemens had, from lying under oath about his use of steroids before a Congressional committee, to his past mistresses coming out of his little closet of horrors —I’m surprised he didn’t try to bang Mattingly’s ex—The Rocket has landed with an at-the-wire showing that he is truly Mr. Oblivious.

As the New York Yankees celebrated the demise of The House That Ruth Built, Clemens not only was not invited to the festivities, but he watched in absolute awe as he was not event shown in the video compilation as one of the best pitchers to don the Yankee pinstripes.

To me, this is not what makes him oblivious. What makes him oblivious is the story he had his family leak to the press about how heartbroken he was, painting a picture of Roger sitting there on his couch in his solid gold house, watching the ceremonies on a battery-operated TV, with his mom holding one hand and his offseason wife, Debbie, holding the other.

Are you friggin’ kidding me?

You sleight not only your reputation in the game, but the reputation of the most storied—and hated—franchises in the history of the game and you are surprised that your roided-up self is not shown in the same frames with Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle and even that dickhead Joe DiMaggio?

How the mighty have fallen. Or better yet, how sad is it to see the actual man behind the uniform and cheating ways.

So, to you, Roger Clemens, we present this year’s Mr. Oblivious Award. Take it and shove it in your keyster.

The man is a menace!

Judge Elihu Smails

Monday, September 22, 2008

Over Zealous Pro-Lifers Suck!

Sorry to get serious for a moment, but this is a post that is long overdue.

I am a pro-lifer, and have been since I have understood what that means, but I'm not hear to rag on the pro-choice sect. My beef is with the pro-life groupies who make it hard for even pro-lifers to agree with their tactics.

Obviously, the bombings of abortion clinics are horrible enough, but being in public relations myself, I'm taking them to task for their promotional initiatives.

Specifically, I am speaking of the disgusting posters that they use to try to persuade people not to have abortions. I am sure that I could have found some on the Internet to include in this post, but they are too horrible to look at.

Unfortunately for me, I was the victim of one of these pro-lifer efforts. Back in 2003, I was leaving work and walking to Union Station from the AON Center in Chicago. On the way there, an anti-abortion group had set up camp, erecting about a dozen different 2'x6' posters (approx.) showing various aborted fetuses (this was repeated on the same day the next two years, and I avoided the posters as much as possible).

They got their point across -- it was shocking and disgusting. But as a pro-lifer, I thought it was way too over the top, and attacked everyone in eyesight, not just the pro-choice group.

When I got home that night, I tried to tell my wife what I saw and I was brought to tears thinking about it -- and the same thing happened the next day when I tried to tell my colleague.
Aside from deaths in my family, that's the only time I have cried over the past ten years -- that's how terrible it was.

I understand having to drive the point home, but there has to be a better way than this. Instead of looking like a group of people who care about life and children, activists like this come across as crazed lunatics who don't care about life; just making sure everyone sees that they are activists.

I realize that a lot of people might disagree with me, but I think these people are insane (i.e. suck) and I wanted to get that off my chest.

RoadRage

Houston, You Have a Bouncing Baby Berkman

Although the resemblance is uncanny, the photo to the left is not of Houston Astros first baseman Lance Berkman.

Berkman has failed to stop crying since his team had to face the Chicago Cubs on the "neutral" ground of Miller Park in Milwaukee (home of the Brewers) earlier this month, after Hurricane Ike went through Houston.

In an interview with the Houston Chronicle, Berkman said, "waaahhhhh .... waaaaahhhh... hmph, hmph, hmph ... waaahhhhh!" Luckily, the Chronicle Reporter had out his Berkman-to-English dictionary and was able to translate his diatribe on baseball in to the following:

Major League Baseball has always valued the dollar more than they do the individual, the players and their families,” Berkman told the newspaper in a report published Sunday. “That’s illustrated in things like playing through a lightning storm in Chicago.” (Here, he refers to a game in August in which the Astros and Cubs started playing baseball in threatening weather...the team was called off the field when the fast-moving storm came over Wrigley Field, then they finished the game when the skies cleared, pretty standard for an outdoor game.)

“The most important thing is getting the game in so you don’t lose the gate and you don’t lose the revenue. That’s A-No. 1. And then if in the course of that you can work it around where players aren’t affected, that’s a distant second."

You think, Mr. Berkman? Is that why baseball players who play at your level make more money in one year than I'll ever see in my lifetime? Imagine, a business putting profits first. How will it ever succeed?

If you had a second to stop whining about why Bud Selig and MLB decided to put the games in Milwaukee, why don't you go talk to your owner, Drayton McLane, and ask him why he didn't accept the offer the Cubs and MLB made earlier in the week to play those games in either St. Louis or Florida? It was his indecision and eagerness to keep those sold out games in Houston that forced MLB's hand to have the games in Milwaukee -- at a field where there was a retractable dome, so that there was no doubt the games would be played. You may have forgotten that games in six other cities were cancelled that Saturday due to rain across the country.

If you are so upset by baseball acting like a business Lance, why don't you just quit and go work as a missionary, so that individuals and families are put before the almighty dollar.

I feel terrible for the people in Houston who have to deal with the devastation caused by Ike. For those not making millions of dollars, they have to try to pick up the pieces of their life and rebuild their homes and some how move on with limited resources. The last thing they need to hear is a millionaire crying about how Major League Baseball screwed over his team, so that they don't have the opportunity to get knocked out in the first round of the playoffs.

Lance Berkman, you suck!

RoadRage

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Cubs Win!! Cubs Win!!

The Cubs clinched the Central Division title today. And for one day, nothing sucks!

Enjoy!

RoadRage

Friday, September 19, 2008

The Unfriendly Skies

I flew for the first time since March this month, travelling to New York and San Francisco. And, I have to say that the airlines are doing all they can to make the experience a lot less enjoyable.

It started on the second leg of my trip last week -- coming back to Chicago from LaGuardia. Our plane taxied for more than an hour, without a peep from the pilot. All of us on the oversold flight were sitting there, waiting to hear why we weren't leaving, but the pilot must have thought that information should only be shared on a need-to-know basis. I don't know what made me more upset -- the fact that we were in the dark for so long, or that nobody else except for me seemed to give a rat's ass.

How much effort would it have taken for the United pilot to get on the intercom to say, "Sorry that we are waiting here for so long, but our union continues to fight with management, so we are making flights miserable for all of our customers until we get exactly what we want. We apologize for the inconvenience and we realize that you have a choice with your air travel. I'm just sorry that you picked today to fly."

I might not want to hear that excuse -- but at least I would have a reason.

Problems continued today, when I checked my bags for my American flight. I have seen the commercials from Southwest, saying that bag fees are $40 for other airlines -- but since I didn't have to pay at United last week, I figured that it was for bags that are more than 50 lbs. It turns out that it's for all bags, so I was stuck with a pretty hefty fee.

The airlines have been struggling for years, and the high cost of oil is making it even harder for them. So, I guess their strategy to overcome their challenges is to employ terrible customer service. First, they'll make you miserable on your flight, then they'll nickle and dime you to death, so that they can keep the middle class out.

Killer strategy! I guess that this way when the airlines fail, they can just turn to us tax payers to bail them out!

RoadRage

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Your GOP Nominee: Senator John McGore?

RoadRage must have been in a cave the last two days, because as I was checking out the Wall Street Journal's web site today, I came across John Paczkowski's Digital Daily Internet broadcast, and heard that one of John McCain's staffers claimed that McCain helped to invent the Blackberry.

Remember a few years back, when the Republicans said that Al Gore claimed that he invented the Internet? Of course you do. That's all the GOP talked about through the whole campaign and ever since whenever Al Gore's name is brought up. Never mind the fact that Gore never made that claim.

Now, the shoe is on the Democratic foot, and all of a sudden this is a non-issue. Yet, in 2000, Gore was painted as an exaggerator who would say anything he had to in order to get elected. So, is that what McCain (or at least his uninformed supporters) is doing now? No, he's not ... and neither was Gore.

Again, I'm not GOP-bashing here, I'm just pointing out the fact that once again they are showing their hypocrisy. I mentioned it in my blog post on Sarah Palin, and they've done it again -- and this is just the latest and an ongoing trend, that started decades ago.

After FDR won four elections, the GOP successfully changed the rules, so that no one president could serve more than two terms (unless they replaced another president mid-term). Then when Reaganus Maximus became the most popular president ever, they tried to change the rules again, so that Ronnie could run again.

My guess is that this won't impact McCain's candidacy, and that's the way it should be. But, again, let's see what stance the Republicans take if one of Obama's aides says that Barack helped invent the iPod.

Good grief.

RoadRage

Halloween Warning: Put The Peanut Butter Away Gramps

I was shopping tonight and I went down the Halloween candy aisle. Mixed in with the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Rolos, Skittles, Milky Way bars and all of the other high quality candy I saw the one thing that sucks about Halloween ... peanut butter kisses.

I mean really ... why do they still make this crap? The only people who ever buy it are those who are over the age of 80 who want to torment children for coming to their house and knocking on their door, or those who actually like it and know that there will be leftovers since no one born after 1930 wants to come within five feet of this stuff.

Every year, Mrs. RoadRage and I stock the candy bowl with Three Musketeer bars, M&M packs and other candy that kids want. And, as we get near All Hallows' Eve again, I plead with the Greatest Generation to move out of the 1950s and start buying candy that you can actually squeeze and won't break a window if you throw it at it. Keep the peanut butter kisses in the pantry hand out a tootsie roll, or just turn in for the night.

RoadRage

Some Day We'll Go All the Way

Has this week sucked on the market, or what? Before jumping into that topic, I thought I would share the following Cubbie "Kumbaya," as it appears as though most visitors to this blog are fans of the Cub and want to believe this could be the year we go all the way.

Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam fame and a huge Cubs fan wrote the following song for Ernie Banks and played it live here in Chicago recently. This is no "Men in Blue" or "Go, Cubs, Go," but it definitely speaks to all of us and will have legs for many years.

"Someday We'll Go All the Way"

Yeah, don't let them say that it's just a game.
Well, I've seen other teams and it is never the same.
When you go to Chicago, you're blessed and you're healed, The first time you walk into Wrigley Field.
Heroes with pinstripes and heroes in blue, Give us the chance to feel like heroes do.
Whether we'll win and if we should lose, we know Someday we'll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we'll go all the way.
We are one with the Cubs, with the Cubs we're in love.
Hold our heads tall as the underdogs.
We are not fairweather, but farweather fans.
Like brothers in arms, in the suites and the stands.
There's magic in the Ivy and the old score board.
The same one I stared at as a kid keeping score.
In a world full of greed, we could never want more.
Someday we'll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we'll go all the way.
Here's to the men and the legends we've known.
Giving us faith and giving us hope.
United we stand and united we'll fall
Down to our knees the day we win it all.
Yeah Ernie Banks said, "oh, let's play two".
I think he meant two hundred years.
Playing at Wrigley, our diamond, our jewel.
The home of our joy and our fears.
Keeping traditions, and wishes anew,
The place where our grandfathers' fathers they grew.
The spiritual feeling if I ever knew.
And when the day comes for that last winning run, and I'm crying and covered with beer.
I look to the sky and know I was right today.
Someday we'll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we'll go all the way.

Smails

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Mundelein High School you suck


A letter came to our house the other day from the principal of Mundelein High School. It talked about the harsh punishments that will be meted out for those who break the rules. Included among the penalties are:
  • One or more days of out-of-school suspension
  • Revoking of the privilege to attend the Homecoming dance
  • Loss of privileges (such as the ability to drive to school) for the remainder of this term and all of the next

So what is the heinous crime that is bringing down such harsh retribution? Is it selling drugs in the hallway? Distributing child pornography? Threatening a teacher in the classroom? ANNNNGHH! None of the above. It's wearing the color that in past years was assigned to your class for a tradition known as "Color Wars."


No, I'm not kidding. In years past, each class was assigned a color, and competed to show which class had the most school spirit. Apparently, however, some students would take it a little far, spray painting cars and school property, and creating a mess that would have to be cleaned up. Imagine that -- a bunch of high school kids going a little wild.


My favorite part of the whole letter was this reason given for the extreme action: "Finally, many students expressed fear about coming to school and walking to and from their classes that day because of the chaotic environment in the building." What? Are you serious? Many students felt that way? Define many. Was it half the student population? One quarter? One one-hundredth? I doubt it. Probably more like one or two, and my guess is those kids feel threatened every day for a variety of reasons.


Now, if you want to come down heavily on people who break the rules of decency by spray painting the halls or otherwise destroying property or causing harm, I have no problem with that. But it sure seems like this ruling is going way too far the other way. To actually suspend students simply for wearing a particular color is just ridiculous.


Here's a suggestion: crack down on kids dealing drugs, stealing personal possessions out of the locker room and breaking other actual laws. Leave the kids who just want to show a little school spirit alone. MHS administration, you suck.

Here Son, Have Some Drugs. Thanks, Dear Old Dad!

Former actor and current scumbag Ryan O'Neal is back in the news. He's the father that keeps on giving.

First he passed on his sub par acting ability to his daughter Tatum, but then he went a step further, apparently teaching his kids how to properly become addicted to narcotics. Way to go pops!

Ryan and his son Redmond (I guess he was named after the city he was conceived in) were arrested today, after police searched their home and found methamphetamine. Ahhh....good times with dear old dad.

Today's arrest comes a few months after Red's sister Tatum was also arrested for drug possession this past June. I guess the family that stays together shoots up together (or whatever you do with methamphetamine).

With O'Neal's undeserved celebrity, I guess he'll get out of this pretty easily, which means I can't use the line, "Awe, dude, you're getting a cell." Ryan and son are already out on bail, probably covered by his Love Story royalties, and I hear he's up for the Father of the Year Award that's handed out annually by High Times magazine.

Let the good times roll, dirtbags!

RoadRage

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Hurricane's Here ... Better Rip Everyone Off

Why is this the perfect picture whenever I talk about the gas and oil industry?

The scumbags are at it again ... since Thursday this past week, gas prices in northern Illinois have increased 50 cents a gallon -- from $3.76 to $4.25 (ok ... I'm exaggerating, it's only 49 cents).

Meanwhile, the latest from the NYSE is that the cost of oil has dipped to under $100/barrel. The cost for the lowest grade of regular unleaded gasoline at the station closest to my house started going up Friday afternoon -- a forty cent jump, then ten more cents between Saturday and Sunday. It's higher now than it was at the peak of summer, when oil was selling for more than $147/barrel. I guess this is when we'll start hearing industry pundits saying that the cost of a barrel of oil has nothing to do with the cost of a gallon of gasoline -- again. They keep flip-flopping their stance based on the cost of oil.

When the gas stations jacked up rates after 9-11 and Hurricane Katrina, there were investigations and fines levied against those gas stations that unfairly increased prices, and I hope that the same happens this time around.

In the meantime, if you can hold out, wait to buy gas until Thursday when prices will be forced to come back down, due to the usual legal and political pressures put on the oil industry when they try to take advantage of a natural disaster.

Bastards!

RoadRage

Sorry Dude, We Lost Your Data

RoadRage received a letter from Countrywide yesterday -- the bank that owns my mortgage.

Apparently, one of their employees, a guy named Rene Rebollo, was accused of supplementing his income by selling customer data, including their Social Security numbers.

Things like this happen pretty regularly I guess -- according to this article on the data breach, more than 480 have been reported this year alone.

My problem is with Countrywide and their attitude about the whole thing. Reading the letter, it's kind of like Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High wrote it: "Awww...duuude ... I lost your data. Did you hear that? That's my head ... I'm so wasted..."

Here's a key paragraph from the actual letter they sent to me:

"If you are a current Countrywide mortgage holder, we will take necessary precautions to monitor your mortgage account and will notify you if we detect any suspicious or unauthorized activity related to this incident. We will also work with you to resolve unauthorized transactions on your Countrywide mortgage account."

So, in other words, if something happens as a result of my stolen identity that doesn't involve my Countrywide account, I'm on my own. Countrywide has worked out free credit reporting service for two years -- but, again, if anything happens as a result of this data breach, I have to take care of it all by myself. I'll have to call any other companies where my information is being used (assuming it's discovered before it's too late), and I don't even know what to do if my SS# is used by someone else.

Meanwhile, Countrywide let me know Rebollo has been fired. That's good -- but not enough. Private information of more than 20,000 people were sold -- this guy should be strung up by his balls, and if he doesn't divulge the name of the company he sold the data to he should get even worse.

And, if anyone is interested in a case action lawsuit against Countrywide, count me in!

RoadRage

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Back to School

Mercy! Now Smails has seen it all. Growing up with dysfunctionalism at just about every turn and having witnessed dysfunctional situations with friends and their families, Smails thought to have seen it all. Alcoholism, physical and emotional abuse, meddling, slanderingpretty much the whole gamut.

Welp the cake was taken, eaten and crapped on my front lawn this morning by Wendy Brown, a 33 year-old-woman from Green Bay, Wis., who in an effort to make up for her lost teenage years stole her teenage daughter's ID and used it to register for high school and join the cheerleading team.

Proving that a diet of Point Beer and cheese and the shock of a Favre-less existence leads to altered states, absolutely no one, from school administrators to cheerleading coaches to cheerleaders thought it odd that a 15 year old would look like a 30 year old. Brown showed up for practice every day before school and even went to a cheerleaders party, where she could combine her missed past with current cougar practices.

What would frighten me about this as a parent in that school district is that Brown was able to make it that far without a single person being suspicious enough to at least request a meeting wit the parents? I am pretty sure that when you register at a high school, your parents need to be there to enroll you because you are still a minor. There seems to be a deficiency here.

Hm? Hm? Alright!

Judge Elihu Smails

Yes, I Take Credit Cards, But....

As an add on to Rage's Ignatowski story, which was good stuff, Smails has to chime in on an issue which has happened to me on no more than three occasions in the past couple of months.

On business travel, my preference is to keep all charges on the company credit card. It's cleaner that way and I'm not worried about getting reimbursed for out-of-pocket expenses. When I have to get to and from O'Hare in Chicago, I always cab it. When I order a cab, for pick up at home or in the cab line at O'Hare when I return, I make it known I am paying with a credit card.

What I have learned from experience is that they do take cards, but with a caveat: you have to listen to them bitch at you the entire ride. In fact on one occasion when I got in the cab at O'Hare and confirmed with the driver that I was paying with credit card, he responded with, "No. Cash." So I got out and got in the cab behind him.

This led to a huge scene in the cab line at the airport, with the guard who manages the line reprimanding the driver, who was now screaming at me through the window of the new cab I had just boarded. The new driver informed me that there is a problem with taxi drivers at the airports doing that, especially to people heading downtown, because the guess is that they are tourists or business travelers from out of town and will be intimidated by their tactics.

Sucks, doesn't it? I understand the plight of the cab driver, especially in this day when fuel prices are out of control, and anyone who knows me also knows I am a great cab patron and a heavy tipper. This may be a few isolated incidents, but my guess is that it really is not.

So to the Checker Cabs, Yellow Cabs, Wolley Cabs and Flash Cabs of the world, when you say you take credit cards, do so without obligation or guilt trips. After dealing with the airlines this year, the last thing any of us wants is more bullshit from someone.

How about a Fresca? Hm? Hm?

Judge Elihu Smails

Friday, September 12, 2008

Where Have I Seen This Before????

Well, the Bararcuda came out from her protective reef to conduct her first interview as candidate vice president, sitting one on one with Charlie Gibson last night. What she proved is exactly why the McCain camp has kept her away from media interviews and sticking to scripted speeches: she is NOT ready to lead this country.

Remember eight years ago when an interviewer asked then candidate George Bush if he knew the capitol of some country, which Bush didn't? His response was to ask the interviewer if he knew. We see where that went.

Fast forward to last night, when Charlie Gibson asked Palin if she supports the Bush Doctrine. After stumbling over the question, she asked Gibson for clarification on the question. Clarification on what he meant by "support" would have been interesting, but in actuality she had no idea what the Bush Doctrine was. You are going to be a heartbeat away from the presidency and you don't even know what the Bush Doctrine is? He leads your friggin' party, lady!

Sadly, Smails isn't as mad at the cool-talking hockey mom who hid her pregnancy from the people of Alaska until two months before she was due, didn't tell anyone, including her kids, that her baby had Down's Syndrome, cooked the books by charging her taxpayers for time spent with hubby and kids, etc., etc., etc. Smails is pissed at the people who still support her. It absolutely terrifies me to think there are people in this country who are so set in their own labels, they refuse to look at the full picture.

What will be funny will be to watch how the media comes out in her defense, a line of defense that is going to weaken day by day. The more she is protected because of her sex, the less and less powerful or Barracuda-ish she will look.

But, hey, you voted for and re-elected the worst president in the history of our country. Why not try to one-up yourselves this time around. I will bring it down to brass tax. Ever see that episode of The Simpsons, where Homer and Burns are in a cabin that just got hit by an avalanche, leaving them under tons of snow? Homer opens one door and get bombarded with snow. So he goes to a window and again gets bombarded with snow. To try to make up for it, he climbs on top of the original pile of snow in front of the door and opens it again, only to--you got it--be bombarded by snow again.

Republicans, don't open the door again. Learn from your mistakes. Wait, let's make this easier for you to hear. You like good looking people. I present to you Matt Damon.

Hm? Hm? Alright!

Judge Elihu M. Smails

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Jim Ignatowski Has Nothing on Real NY Cabbies

Remember Jim Ignatowski -- the lovable cabbie on the hit 1980s series Taxi? Christopher Lloyd played "Iggy" played the man who had the IQ of a rabbit; but the faith of a child ... simple.

My favorite scene with Iggy was when he was taking the written portion of his driving test and he asked his colleague Bobby what a yellow light means. Bobby says, "slow down" -- so Iggy asks again, but slows down his speech. This was repeated three or four more times -- good stuff!

He was a real idiot in the show, but likable. Unfortunately, you can't say the same for real New York cabbies -- they're much dumber, and definitely less likable.

I've been in NY twice this year, and almost every time I have taken a cab I have used my credit card. The machines are set up in the back seat, and it's real easy to use -- a great convenience for passengers. The problem is that every time you use the machine, the cabbie acts like you've just shot him through the chest; that it's such a terrible inconvenience it's going to ruin their whole day, even though it's the easiest way to pay.

The first cab I took this week, I asked the cabbie if he took credit cards, and he said yes -- with the obligatory whining that comes with it. So, I get in the cab and start my ride, at which point he tells me he just installed his credit card system that morning, and I'll be the first to use it (yeah, I win!). We get to the hotel I'm staying at and it turns out his machine actually works (eureka!), at which point he tells me I'm lucky.

Why am I the lucky one? He said I could pay by credit card before I entered the cab, so if it didn't work, that's tough shit for him, not me.

Bottom line, if you are going to offer the service, don't bitch when people decide to use it.

New York cabbies, you suck!

RoadRage

Bird in the Hand is Better Than Two with the Bush

Remember RoadRage's post last week about the Republican party asking the media and the Democrats to stick to the issues? Hmmm? Hmmm? (As Smails would say.)

Well, they've already changed their tune. You've probably already heard about it since RoadRage is late to the game, but earlier this week the Republicans attacked Barack Obama because in an interview he made the reference "You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig." A pretty familiar cliche.

The GOP said that Obama was insulting Sarah Palin, mocking her comment during her nomination speech -- when she asked, "Do you know the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Lipstick..."

That's even a stretch to RoadRage, who expects the worst out of all people. Going after Obama for something like that is ridiculous -- and guess what, Republicans -- it's not sticking to the issues! So, you have already shown your hypocrisy. Now, I'm no Judge Smails -- I don't hate Republicans. But they deserve to be derided for making a mountain out of a mole hill. And, in case there's any McCain advisers reading this -- making a mountain out of a mole hill is an old saying, too -- I'm not making fun of McCain's height.

Here are some other old sayings that might come up during the campaign that you should realize aren't insults against your candidates:

- Whole ball of wax
- A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
- Don't count your chickens before they're hatched
- Possession is 9/10ths of the law
- Dick Cheney is Satan

McCain's advisers need to take their cue from Mike Huckabee who said that Obama's comment was no big deal, and should not be insinuated as an insult. As you plead with everyone last week, just stick to the issues, morons!

RoadRage

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

It used to be that father-son activities were relegated to fishing trips, tossing the football in the backyard, visiting brothels and, if you live on the South Side, attacking a Major League Umpire during a game. Even Rage knows you only attack umpires in threatening email messages from your personal email account, thus whittling down the amount of time it will take authorities to track you down and ensuring a speedy lawsuit through the court system.

But when in Florida, a good bonding opportunity means smashing your neighbor's kitten's head with a sledgehammer and then depositing the spent feline in another neighbor's yard. Take that, miscreant lawn ornament thieves!

How sick a person are you when you not only kill a defenseless kitten, but you bring your son along for the ride? Well, that question can only be answered by Michael Long and his son Michael Long, Jr.

Killing an innocent kitten? Man, I really never thought someone could out-Bin Laden Bin Laden, but here we are.

Judge Elihu M. Smails

Do You Have Anything to Stop My Coffin?

As a frequent traveler, I've had my luggage lost by the airlines. It's a total pain in the tail, because your life has been hijacked by the airlines. Now I do what I can to not have to travel with anything more than a carry on, especially if I am transferring flights en route to my final destination, but no matter how lost my luggage ever winds up, it won't match up to what happened to an Ecudaorian man recently.

Miguel Olaya was having the remains of his wife shipped to their native Ecuador and American Airlines lost the body somewhere along the way. Now I can understand a piece of luggage being left on the tarmac or in the baggage transfer area somewhere, but wouldn't you think something like a transportable coffin would be something that would stick out to even the most rookie of baggage handlers? I just imagine a salesman standing as the last person in the baggage claim area in Kansas City, watching as the only piece of luggage that keeps making its way around the baggage mover is a coffin.

Judge Elihu M. Smails

It's the End of the World ... Again...

So, RoadRage is in the Big Apple this week. These are my kind of people -- nobody bothers you or pays attention to you, so you can just go about your business. And, when I'm jogging, I don't have to give the acknowledging nod to other joggers because nobody reciprocates and they don't want to see it anyway ... ahhh ... good times.

As I was walking down Broadway in Times Square today, I was reminded of a group of people that really suck. Sometimes, they take the form of preachers in various churches, but usually it's either a bum on a street corner, or some nut with a microphone who somehow can afford a car that he can drive around in, so that everyone can hear the important message he has to spread.

That important message is invariably about the end of the world. Somehow, these clowns seem to know exactly when and how the world is going to come to an end -- and it always seems to be nigh.

What is the point of doing this? Is it to scare the living shit out of kids who don't understand that these people are whack jobs? Because, they don't seem to be having an impact on anyone else who is listening. And, let's say, by chance, that the people doing it today are the first people to be right -- that the world is going to end tomorrow. What satisfaction do they get? Are they going to walk around the afterlife telling everyone they told them so? That's something to shoot for.

This is a touchy subject for RoadRage, because when I was a kid I watched The Man Who Saw Tomorrow -- a movie about the prophecies of Nostradamus. In the movie they talked about all the prophecies that Nostradamus accurately made prior to the making of the movie -- then they said that Nostradamus had predicted worldwide famine in 1986 and that a catastrophic earthquake would occur in America in May 1988. The second prophecy was taken so seriously, that a number of schools across the country closed on May 10, 1988.

After seeing this movie, I was scared for weeks that these events would actually happen. Then, my mom told me about how when she was in grade school that the teachers actually had everyone preparing for the end of the world because someone was predicting the end of the world back then.

These people need to shut their cake holes and stop scaring children and the ignorant. Now, if the Cubs should happen to win the World Series this year, then maybe we should start heeding their warnings.

RoadRage

Now That's What I Call Telecommuting

The Washington Post reported today that Sarah Palin, flying high on the wings of her Bush-admin-written speech and protection from the media, has a little problem with charging her state for business trips from .... drum roll .... Home! Some of us call those vacation days.

Woot! Woot! Woot! The Palin Express has left the station and she'll be charging you by the mile. Considering she billed Alaska's taxpayers nearly $45,000 for good times spent with her husband and kids, so Heavens knows what she will bill the entire country. As long as it isn't a hummer from a chubby chick, we should be OK.

If any one of us were caught trying to expense personal matters to our companies, we would be fired. Hell, I've even seen it happen to someone I once worked with. But as long as you're somewhat attractive and have a sharp wit, by all means, be our vice presidential candidate. I mean, we're Americans, a people so caught up in our own worlds our hypocrisy far outweighs our reasoning and judgement skills. Haven't you paid any attention the last eight years? You slap a Republican stamp on someone and we will ride that "good man" and our country straight into the ground.

I've sentenced people like her to the gas chamber. I didn't want to. I felt I owed it to them.

Judge Elihu M. Smails

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Use your inside voice


It had been a beautiful Saturday. Mrs. Ty Cobb and I had spent a lovely afternoon at the Brookfield Zoo, looking at various odd animals and learning stuff. Hey, did you know the rainforest is endangered, as are many species of animals you've never heard of (and are quite ugly, to be honest)? I never knew that. But I do now. Thanks, Brookfield Zoo.


Anyway, after our trip to the zoo we decided to get a little something to eat. After debating various cuisines we decided to head to Eduardo's Pizza in Wheeling for some stuffed pizza. We arrived quite hungry, and were led to our booth in the back corner.


It was a tight fit (mostly due to the fact that the guy behind me had pushed the seats on his side way back from the table which pushed mine quite close -- a fact I didn't discover until dinner was over). Service was a little slow since we were kind of hidden away, but we were in no hurry so it was no big deal.


That's when it happened. We discovered we'd been seated right next to the Loud family. Or should I say the LOUD family. It started with one of their brats. The kid was squealing, wailing, and whining in a very loud voice, which didn't seem to faze any of the 12 other people sitting in their group. I wanted to stuff a leftover crust in the kid's mouth, but decided to try and be civil. Then came the deal breaker. Grandma (I assume it was Grandma) starts talking and she's at least as loud as the little brat. On top of which her voice was most unpleasant, to say the least.


It was so bad that Mrs. Cobb asked if ol' Ty wanted to move. I thought about it for a minute, and looked on their table. It appeared they'd finished eating, so I figured it wouldn't be too much longer before they left. so we hung in there. All the time, though, wishing these people came with a volume control.


You may think you're interesting and a brilliant conversationalist, but I've got news for you. Most people are not. These people certainly weren't. When you're in a busy restaurant surrounded by other patrons, don't shout or yell. Use your inside voice. If you don't have an inside voice then just shut the hell up until you leave. And keep a lid on your brats. You may think they're special, but they're not. They're just annoying.

Friday, September 5, 2008

OK, I Get it -- You Like Your Candidate, Not the Other One

So, I was watching the Republican National Convention last night (Cubs weren't playing), and thankfully, the GOP was kind enough to install a live laugh track to let me know when to clap, boo and yell U-S-A.

This isn't exclusive to the Republicans. Every political gathering seems to have people who are over-exuberant applauders and hissers -- depending on what the candidate says.

I watched last week, as Barack Obama had to say, "Thank you. Thank you very much," about 300 times after he was introduced at the Democratic National Convention before the crowd stopped clapping. Then when Senator McCain was introduced last night, it seemed as though all the Republicans in the room were looking at their watches to make sure they clapped longer for their guy.

And, the whole time I'm watching this, I'm thinking that these are the stupidest people I have ever seen in my life. You have 90-year-old war veterans who are forced to keep standing up and sitting down every time McCain utters a word, just so they can show they like him.

Here's a piece of advice for all of these morons...since you are at the REPUBLICAN National Convention, the audience at home watching is under the assumption that you are pretty big fans of the REPUBLICAN party and that you probably agree with everything the presenting candidates have to say, so do them, the old guys in attendance and me a favor, and sit on your hands for awhile. It would be so much easier to listen to a 20-minute speech in less than 25 minutes, instead of the hour and 15 minutes it takes now.

RoadRage
Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap,Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap.

Thank you.

USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA,USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA.