GM Employees Give Toys for Tots the Royal Screw Job

So much for the selfless act. Apparently that term doesn't hold too much weight with the employees of General Motors.

The USA Today reported today that GM employees are going to cancel an annual bake sale they hold to help raise money for Toys for Tots. Organized by the U.S. Marines, the charitable organization helps make Christmas enjoyable for less fortunate kids by providing them with toys their parents or care takers can't afford.

The reason these employees are canceling Christmas for some of these kids? Because in an effort to remain solvent, GM told its employees that it will not be able to pay them when they leave the assembly line to work the bake sale.

I don't blame GM at all for this. They are bleeding money and have been for years. If they don't shore things up over there, one of the historically great American businesses is going to cease to exist--they have to save money any way they can.

Who I'm really pissed at are the employees. So, you don't get paid for doing charitable work. Boo-frickin-hoo, you cheap bastards. That's why it's called charity, and volunteering -- you're giving of yourself to make things better for someone less fortunate than you. You shouldn't be paid while you're working the bake sale -- and if you are, you should donate that money to charity.

If all the employees work shifts, and take off work one hour at a time, they can make it work. They can do it over lunch, and if they can't do that, the $20-$30 in wages they would have to give up to work the bake sale is being given up for a great cause.

Oh well, maybe when things turn around in 2010, and GM can afford to pay their staff for their charitable efforts, then they can start holding the bake sale again.

In the meantime, if you feel like being more generous than these Scrooges, you can go here to donate to Toys for Tots online.

RoadRage

How George Bush Saved the Country

Unlike Judge Smails, who has been strangely silent recently, I don't think that everything a Republican does is terrible and evil. I try to find the good in people, despite my preponderance to rip on everyone.

And, after months of thinking about it and reading news stories about President George Bush, I finally found something he did right. He made Daylight Savings Time about six weeks longer.

Think about it -- we now have the whole month of October to get home and do something outside before it gets too dark, and the same thing now happens in March, instead of having to wait until April.

I'm serious about this -- I heartily agree with President Bush and how he supported this move and helped it become a reality. I hate those days when you go to work and it's dark outside when you arrive, and dark outside when you leave for home. Now, that only happens from mid-November until March.

So, a quick thanks to President Bush for this great move. Too bad the other 138,000 decisions you made sucked.
*****************

Time for a quick People Suck Public Service Announcement: Get out and vote next Tuesday! If you don't, you won't have the right to bitch, like I do.

RoadRage

No, Bud Selig Didn't Cause the Financial Crisis

Did you hear the stock market has gone down roughly 5,000 points over the last two months? Well, it must be Bud Selig's fault. That's right, it must be the commissioner of baseball, because apparently everything he does is wrong.

For any baseball fans reading this blog, you are familiar with Bud Selig. He has been the commissioner of baseball since 1992, and he has done a lot of good for the game -- unfortunately every time something goes wrong -- make that ANYTHING -- baseball fans blame Bud.

Rain starts in Philadelphia, and the World Series game last night wasn't called soon enough -- Bud gets blamed, and not the umpires, who have controlled that aspect of the game for 132 years now.

A hurricane hits Houston, and it's Bud's fault that the games have to be moved to Milwaukee -- not the Houston owner who waited too long to agree to the move.

Baseball stars started doing steroids, and it's Bud's fault, not the players who took the drugs.

In reality, Bud's done a lot of good for the game. He helped introduce interleague play, pitting National League teams against American League teams during the regular season, which has brought a lot of interest to baseball.

He also made the MLB All-Star Game worth watching again, by establishing a rule that whichever league wins the game gets home field advantage in the World Series.

Purists have complained about these moves, but they have both done a tremendous amount for the game -- interleague play has attracted tons of fans, creating new rivalries, which are the biggest games of the season for some teams.

Meanwhile, a lot of fans complain that the All-Star Game rule shouldn't have been introduced, because it's an exhibition game. Those "fans" apparently didn't watch All-Star games before 1987. You see, in the late 1980s, players started making too much money to care whether they won or lost the game, so they basically stopped trying to win -- instead, hitters just kept trying to hit homeruns to look cool in front of the fans.

Now the game counts again --players are starting to bunt, i.e. sacrifice their at bat for the greater good of the team, and managers are actually managing -- making it the only professional all star game worth watching. Besides, before they started this, home field advantage flip flopped from American to National league each year -- totally arbitrary, and stupid.

Bud has made some missteps, like not introducing a more stringent drug policy in baseball sooner, but overall, the game's a lot better than when he started his reign as commissioner.

So, if there's an earthquake tomorrow, don't start pointing the finger at Bud.

RoadRage

More technology woes

It may not seem like it at this point, but ol' Ty is actually pretty technology-savvy. I have installed my own wireless network, maintain my own PCs, and even help others with theirs. I also get involved with management of the applications and network at my office.

So it just pisses me off when some piece of technology isn't very well thought through. I had that experience this weekend.

I was going to work on a video in Pinnacle Studio 9 Sunday when I received a message offering an upgrade to Studio 12 for just $29.95. Well, who can resist that? I mean, this one goes to 12, which is three more than 9. So I took the plunge, plunking down my hard-earned cash for the upgrade. I figured 15-20 minutes or so and I'd be on my way with all kinds of great new capabilties.

Hah! As it turns out, it takes freakin' hours to download this software. But that's not the bad part. About 3/4 of the way through, and three hours later, it stopped downloading. I received an error message saying all the resources for the buffer were used up, and that I should restart GetRight to continue the download. I have no idea what GetRight is or how to restart it. I did everything I could think of to try to get it restarted but nothing worked. (I'd had a similar stoppage once with a Garmin GPS update and it picked up right where it left off. Which is the way it should be.)

Finally, I had no other choice but to shut down and try to go again. Since I couldn't pick up where I left off, I had to search for how to start the download all over again. That took a while but I found it. Sure enough, three hours into it again the damn thing stopped. I restarted it one more time to run overnight and when I left this morning, despite another glitch, it looked like it would finish. Hopefully it does so I can start actually using the program -- after running the install, of course. This was just the download to enable the install.

This is not the first time I've run into something like this. Why can't software manufacturers actually test their downloads for quality and make sure they will run properly? The average Joe, with little experience beating software programs into submission, stands no chance against the stupidity here. Software manufacturers, here's a clue: if your software won't download in 20 minutes on any properly equipped machine, don't offer it as a download. Nobody wants to tie up their computers for hours. If you feel absolutely compelled to do it, at least warn people of the consequences -- like this download will tie up your computer for an entire day and it still might not work.

Bring Back Halloween!

Tomorrow afternoon, our city will celebrate Halloween -- that's right, on October 26. A lot of the towns around us celebrate Halloween on October 31, but not us.

Over the years, I have moved a number of times around the Chicago area, and wherever I move, All Hallows Eve is always celebrated on a day other than October 31st -- including the last time it fell on a weekend day -- Halloween was on Sunday, and trick or treating was the Sunday before.

This all started in 1982, after the Tylenol medicine scare in Chicago. It happened in late September to mid-October. Some scumbag tampered with bottles of Tylenol, lacing capsules with cyanide, and seven people died because of it. So, to make it safer for everyone, the local governments around Chicago decided that trick or treating should be held on the weekend, on a day other than Halloween -- to throw off people who wanted to give out tampered candy, I guess.

In fact, in 1982, trick or treating was cancelled, and our Halloween was spent at school, where we had bowls of candy around the gym to pick from, a costume contest and other Halloween-related activities. It was actually pretty fun, until I went to bob for apples, right behind a kid who left about a half gallon of dandruff in the drum.

After that year, we were allowed to trick or treat for three hours, usually on the Sunday before Halloween. I can see moving trick or treating for a few years after the Tylenol scare as a safety measure -- but it's now been 26 years since it happened, tampered candy has never been an issue, and most cities have moved trick or treating back to Halloween anyway.

Kids should be able to celebrate Halloween the way we used to as kids -- go out as long as they want, get stomach aches from eating too much candy, and pass out for 12 hours to recuperate. Ahhh, the good ol' days. Bring 'em back!

RoadRage

Trick or Treat ... or Stick 'em Up?

Halloween is upon us, giving RoadRage the opportunity to give out candy to a bunch of cute little kids dressed as lady bugs, Snow White and Spider-Man.

Then there are the others -- the older group of "kids" who don't have enough common sense to stop trick or treating when they are still actually children. They come to your door and you don't know whether you should give them a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, or your wallet.

Besides the fact that they are too old to be going door-to-door for free candy, they totally lack creativity. For the most part they just come to your house, and they don't even say "trick or treat" -- they just stick their bag out and await the free candy.

If they're going to try to act like kids, can't they at least get a little creative? I mean, even throwing on a Groucho Marx nose and glasses or even drawing a lightning bolt on their head to pretend to be Harry Potter would be something. Instead, you get 17-year-olds who come to your house in a t-shirt, and a jacket if it's cold out. I guess they can say they're going as lazy ass, uncreative derelicts.

So, RoadRage is proposing a new rule ... nobody over the age of 14 is allowed to trick or treat any more -- and if you get someone older coming to your house, turn the tables a bit and egg them.

RoadRage

This May Be the Suckiest World Series Ever

As fans of People Suck know, RoadRage is a huge baseball fan. In fact, I'm watching the World Series right now -- something I vowed not to do if the Tampa Bay Rays won the American League. But, I can't help it -- outside my family and complaining about people, it is my number one passion.

Although I'll probably end up watching a lot of the Series over the next week, I think this will be the suckiest Series ever.

Why? Both the Phillies and Rays are great teams, and I'm sure there will be plenty of offense and quality pitching as well. My problem with this Series is the fan base for both teams.

First, you have the Rays. They averaged around 22,000 fans this year, and that's up about 6,000 fans from last year. The Rays played great baseball all year, were in first place most of the time and every game they played meant something for their post season chances, yet they could only attract 22,000 fans a night? Contrast that with a team like the Cubs, who averaged nearly 40,000 fans in 2005 and 2006 for teams that were terrible. I'm tired of seeing fans like those who (sometimes) follow the Rays, Marlins and White Sox get rewarded with trips to the World Series.

Then, you have the Phillie fans. These guys would boo Mother Teresa if given the opportunity. They're great fans when their team is winning, but if the team is losing, their merciless -- ripping on the guys who don't deserve a uniform, and treating some of the greatest stars in the game the same way. And, this isn't a new phenomenon. I have been watching the Phillies for years, and I remember them booing Michael Jack Schmidt, after he had hit more than 500 homers and played 17 years in Philadelphia, winning two MVP awards along the way and helping bring home the city's only World Series championship (to this point). How can you boo a guy like that? On top of that, they have been known to throw batteries at opposing players (J.D. Drew), and being all-around pricks.

So, while I will probably enjoy this year's World Series, I'd like to throw out a "You Suck!" to the Phillies and Rays fans, who don't deserve the Series.

Signed,

Jaded Cubs Fan -- a.k.a. RoadRage

This Leash Demeans us Both

Can someone explain to me why a parent would invest in a child leash? I understand it's a safety measure, but how frickin lazy do you have to be to invest in one of these?

I have seen countless people using child leashes, and it's even worse when they have a dog on one leash and a child on the other -- what's that saying to the kid? To me it says that the parent considers the dog and their toddler to be on the same level.

RoadRage is all for being safe, but how far does it go? I picture these people having homes that have every piece of furniture completely covered with bubble tape, with kids and adults both enjoying drinks from sippy cups, and since they are walking around on leashes, I'm guessing that the kids would eat out of bowls placed on the kitchen floor.

Hey parents, here's a tip for you -- take a vested interest in your kids, and if you are out with them, pay attention to them, so that they don't have to be controlled with a leash and made to feel and look like domesticated animals. If you do that, you won't have to worry about your child's safety.

And then, as Homer Simpson would say, you can "let your children run wild and free. Because, as the old saying goes, 'Let you children run wild and free.'"

RoadRage

Ok, so Go Daddy isn't as bad as I thought

The good people at Go Daddy customer service must be readers of People Suck. Because right after I put up my previous post about them, suddenly they got all helpful. Maybe it's just coincidence, but I like to think it's power to the people.

In any case, I finally received a non-generic response with a few suggestions that helped me isolate the problem. (It was on my side, and was solved by rebooting my wireless router and cable modem a couple of times. Comcast, you suck.)

But I still stand by my original premise. Had they done that to begin with, I would never have had to invoke the power of People Suck to get the problem fixed. Instead, they tried to foist off set-up instructions as "help." What they really should've done is suggest I try the computer in a different location or on a different network to see if it was the computer, my connection, or Go Daddy.

So thanks for the help -- finally. You don't suck as much as I thought originally. But watch it. And oh yeah. Kudos to me on the graphic of the week.

I Have Had Enough of Seeing Bears Wipe Their Asses!

Charmin is apparently getting their point across, since I'm blogging about this, but am I the only one who's tired of their commercials?

This is supposed to be a series of cutesy cartoon commercials for Charmin to hock its toilet paper. Showing a human in the bathroom isn't suitable for TV -- so what's the next best alternative? I guess showing the ramifications of bears using sub par toilet paper in the forest? Good grief.

It's not cute when a bear is holding itself because it has to go to the bathroom (pictured), and it's definitely not cute when a bear has specs of toilet paper stuck to its backside. Whether it's a bear or not, that represents one thing -- hanging dingleberries, -- and its disgusting.

Why can't Charmin dig up Mr. Whipple and start asking people to "not squeeze the Charmin" again, instead of subjecting us to this crap?

Besides, how does this commercial prove that Charmin works better than other toilet paper out on the market? Because it doesn't stick to the backside of the bear when he's done? That's all fine and good for the bear, but I'm really hairy. How will it work for me?

So, Charmin, please do us all a favor, and stop showing us bears urinating and defecating in the forest. They can't use toilet paper -- they don't even have opposable thumbs, for Christ's sake. Get more creative!

RoadRage

Abbott Cornering Carcinogen Market?

Is reducing the signs and symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis and/or Crohn's Disease worth the risk of cancer and/or heart disease?

Abbott Laboratories seems to think so, as they are continually marketing a drug called Humira on TV. In the ad (like most prescription drug ads) you see people enjoying life, happy as clams because they found the wonder drug that has helped with their ailment.

And, these people continue to smile as if they have no care in the world, as the announcer reads off the side effects associated with taking Humira -- which include "certain types of cancer" (lymphoma) and "new" heart failure -- so if you had no signs of heart failure in the past, taking Humira can lead to it.

Why don't they just market this as a suicide drug? Humira, or other drugs like it known as TMF blockers, have actually caused cancer or heart disease in people who have taken them in the past. So, how does the FDA approve carcinogens like this? Isn't there a better way to treat victims of disease without introducing the possibility of more deadly diseases? It's like injecting people with the bubonic plague to cure dandruff.

And, how did Abbott Labs pull the wool over the eyes of the FDA to get this drug approved -- unless it was the wool that makes up the millions of dollars in U.S. currency that they flashed in front of them to get the okay.

Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather not take medicine that has the potential to kill me. I think most Americans would agree, and the FDA needs to start considering the interest of the general public when deciding to grant licenses for "cures" like Humira.

RoadRage

People Suck Mother of the Year Award

I've been enjoying the first few days of Eggnog season and watching the Red Sox beat up on the Tampa Bay Rays, so things haven't been riling up ol' RoadRage. That is, until I went online yesterday to find the latest news.

On top of having to deal with the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, the financial crisis, and gas prices not dropping nearly as much as they should be, we still have to deal with morons like 31-year-old Shawna Foster out of Victorville, CA -- winner of RoadRage's 2008 Mother of the Year Award. Congratulations Shawna, for showing mothers how to be a complete imbecile.

Apparently, Shawna's daughter told her mom she was getting verbally abused by a classmate, so to teach her daughter a lesson on how to stand up for herself, she brought her to a local park to fight this name-calling girl. Brilliant!

The problem for Shawna is that her daughter was easily pummeled by her adversary, as you can see in this video. And keep watching ... instead of just breaking up the fight, mom decides to join in on the action, forcefully pulling (er, uh, yanking) the other girl by the hair off her daughter. Then to top it off, she hauls off and smacks her right across the face.

Shawna is being charged with corporal punishment of a minor. Is that justice? How should a dumb ass like this be treated? How would you feel if a 31-year-old mammoth slapped your girl across the face. Now, RoadRage is never one to call for the physical beating of a lady, but maybe the term, "That's no lady!" applies here, and someone should pound on this woman to knock some sense in to her.

While they determine what's going to happen to her, she can enjoy her People Suck Award and show it off to all her buddies at the local bar, as she regales them with tales of her undisputed fighting title against the Victorville 12-year-old division.

RoadRage

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year Starts Early!

Stock market tanked again today, yet another expansion team is going to make it to the World Series before the Cubs and according to Senator John McCain, Ohio's Joe the Plumber is in a hell of a pickle over his small business.

But today, none of it matters because eggnog season officially kicked off! Woo-hoo!

I was out with my daughter tonight picking up some things from the grocery store. As I passed through the dairy section, I went to get some Lucerne chocolate milk (highly recommended), and right next to the chocolate milk was the most glorious sight I have seen since the Cubs' Derrek Lee miraculously got a hit with guys on base to beat the Brewers in extra innings in a late September game -- a half gallon bottle of EGGNOG! It is finally back from hibernation!

For those of you who have been reading this blog, you know that I am a marathon runner -- and the main reason I run is so that I am in good enough physical condition, so that I can thoroughly enjoy Eggnog season. The season usually starts the first or second week of November, so I'm glad I ran two races this year to prepare for the early start.

Since Eggnog is one of the worst things you can put in your body, in order to enjoy it to the level I like, I have to exercise five to six days a week 52 weeks a year. I have probably taken 8-10 years off my life with my eggnog fetish, but it's worth it.

I used to drink a quart of eggnog each day for lunch when I was younger. I can't do that anymore, unfortunately, but now I can enjoy eggnog ice cream (Oberweis is the best), eggnog cheesecake, eggnog pound cake, eggnog cup cakes -- and if I could afford it, I'd buy enough to take an eggnog bath, like David Letterman once did -- but alas, that will remain a pipe dream.

A lot of things suck right now, and as we enter the Christmas season this year, consumers will be struggling to buy gifts for their friends and families, and holding onto their homes for that matter. This Christmas season, as you try to cope with all of the stress, eggnog can serve as a great healer -- I encourage everyone who is feeling blue to reach for a big glass of non-alcoholic eggnog and enjoy the nectar of the gods!

RoadRage

Go Daddy "tech support," you suck

Ol' Ty isn't the happiest of fellows on the best of days, but today I am really pissed. I have found the absolute worst example of alleged customer service -- the people at Go Daddy, the domain name supplier.

About a week ago, the e-mail account that is tied to my personal laptop's Outlook ceased working. No apparent reason, it just stopped sending and receiving. I thought it would come back within 24 hours, but when it didn't I decided to contact Go Daddy technical support to ask them to check on it. The e-mail account goes through Go Daddy's server since that's who administers the domain I'm using with it.

After explaining the problem -- no e-mail access -- the response I got was unbelievable. Basically, some mope on the other end cut and pasted some instructions out of their FAQs on how to set up an e-mail account and essentially wished me good luck. Unreal! The account has been set up and working for two freakin' years! Now it's not. It has nothing to do with how it's set up on my end. I know, because I checked, and everything is the way they said it should be.

So I wrote back and told them (in so many words) "Listen morons! My side is fine. I want you to check your servers and settings to see if they are ok." They responded that they don't support "third party applications" and thus can provide no further assistance. WTF? I already told you my "third party application" is fine but your something on your end looks like it's messed up.

To top it all off, they also said the e-mail relay should be set up like so, and I should check it by logging in to my account. Only when I tried to log in last night I kept getting a message that Internet Explorer couldn't find the site. IE would take me everywhere else, just not into my account. It also wouldn't let me create a new account, so again I'd say their servers were the problem. When I responded with that, much angrier now, they told me it could be a problem with IE and I should try Firefox. Again, with a cut and pasted answer.

I am thoroughly fed up with them, and will begin my search for a new domain name supplier posthaste. I am no IT expert, but it seems to me that a little effort on their part would've gone a long way. Couldn't they have at least done what I asked and checked the settings? Not to mention offer some suggestions on what to do if it isn't a problem with the basic set up?

Quite frankly, I feel like I would've had better luck if the technical support department at Go Daddy was stocked entirely with monkeys. Go Daddy tech support, you really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really suck.

Why Can't My MD be Doc Baker?

Remember Doctor Hiram Baker from Little House on the Prairie? His patients use to pay him with fruit pies, goats and chickens, and he never complained. He just did his job because he wanted to help the people in his community.

I wouldn't expect today's doctors to be paid in poultry, but how about some compassion and common decency for their patients?

RoadRage rarely goes to doctors because there hasn't been much need, but I have had a couple of bad experiences over the past few years.

When I tried to run my first marathon, I tore my Achilles tendon (self-diagnosis). After suffering through the pain for two months, I finally went to the doctor to find out what was wrong. Three hours and no X-ray later, I was told that there was nothing wrong with me. The doctor spent two minutes with me and asked what pain I was feeling. He then told me he couldn't do anything for me. That is, except for send me a bill for doing nothing.

That experience reminded me of the story my dad told me about my grandmother. She was in an elevator when her doctor came in and asked her how she was doing, since he had treated her for an ailment recently. She updated him, telling him she was doing fine, and two weeks later she received a bill for $50. The good doctor had charged her for a doctor visit for their elevator conversation.

More recently. Mrs. RoadRage went in for an out-patient back surgery. She'd been having back pain the last few years, and it finally became too much for her to endure, so she opted for surgery. The surgery took 45 minutes, and according to the doctors at Condell Medical Center, that warrants a bill for $40,000. Most of it was covered by insurance, but a good portion of it wasn't. The worst part was that we received two separate $1,000 charges for doctors who were in the room to monitor the equipment -- doctors who weren't in our insurance plan. We had no idea they were there, and the surgeon never gave us any forewarning, so that we can request doctors who were in our plan. We were never told until after the surgery, so for all we know, their presence could have just been (and most likely was) a fabrication to line the pockets of the medical facility.

Doc Baker had a lot of drawbacks -- no access to fancy equipment, no nurses to assist him, and no car to get him to emergencies. But, I wish the ideology of his mythological doctoring existed today -- physicians who truly care about their patients, and don't make up ways to falsely charge people for services that were never rendered.

Too many people in the medical profession today suck!

RoadRage

Here's What Sucks About Marathons

Running marathons is very gratifying, and every different race across the country has its own particular charm. But, like everything else in this world, there are aspects about marathons that suck. And, in honor of today's Chicago Marathon, I thought I'd rattle off the top five things that suck about running marathons.

5. When you talk with people who don't participate, and you tell them you're running a marathon, you inevitably are asked, "How long is this marathon?" If I wanted to be a wise ass I could just repeat that it's a marathon, since the definitive distance of a marathon is 26.2 miles, but I just tell them since I know they're just ignorant and are trying to be conversational. I knew how long a marathon was way before I started running them -- shouldn't it be considered general knowledge?

4. If you are not running a well-organized marathon, like the one in Chicago, the port-o-potties can be few and far between. There are many runners who can't hold their bowels for more than ten minutes, so they feel it necessary to take a very short detour off the course to relieve themselves. Unavoidable, but still disgusting.

3. Going corporate -- After running four Chicago Marathons, I will never participate again. When I started, my family used to be able to sit in the seats at the finish line and watch me as I finally made it to the end. It's what makes the race worth running -- and in fact, it's what makes running smaller marathons so enjoyable. In Chicago, LaSalle Bank (and now Bank of America) decided to give the seats at the finish line to race sponsors, and now friends and family of participants can't watch you complete the race -- so what's the point?

2. People who die running marathons. For those of you who are training to run future races, get this through your head -- unless you are an elite runner, there is no way in hell that you are going to win the marathon. Slow down, make sure you hydrate yourself and eat bananas, if necessary. If you feel dizzy, nauseated, or like you are going to pass out just stop and walk. There's no reason to push yourself to the point that you are going to die, you're not Kenyan, so just enjoy the fact that you are going to complete the race. Which brings me to the final thing that sucks about marathons ...

1. Kenyans. If baseball players are taking human growth hormones, these guys (and women) must be taking human reduction hormones. How the hell can they run basically 13 miles an hour for two hours straight with no breaks, no pain, and then afterwards just act like they ran around the block? The worst part about it is when you are running the race. You just finished mile 13 and you hear that the Kenyans have already crossed the finish line. It's more than a little demoralizing to realize that you still have 13 miles to go, and that by the time you finish, the Kenyans will probably be flying over New York by then.

That being said, these are minor issues. For those of you who are looking to improve your health, I highly recommend setting the goal of running a marathon. Like I said at the beginning, you'll find things that suck with everything in this world, and marathons are a little less sucky than everything else.

RoadRage

Here's an idea -- play some defense!

Ok, now I'm pissed. The financial crisis is bad, but I've been hanging in there. People suck at driving but I've been living with it. But today was the last straw.

When the hell are the Bears going to get rid of their lame defensive coordinator and get someone in there who knows how freakin' stop somebody? The end of today's game was bad enough. But if you were watching throughout the game, you saw the kind of performance that led to what happened at the end.

This is not Bear football. It's not football at all. The team continues to let rookie and inexperienced quarterbacks march up and down the field like they're Brett friggin' Favre. Their back are consistently five yards off the receivers at all times, allowing eight and 10 yard gains at a time. If Atlanta was any better at putting the ball in the end zone there wouldn't have been any last-minute histrionics because the game wouldn't have been close at the end. I don't think they took the Falcons three out and even once.

For cryin' out loud! Get rid of the coordinator who shall not be named and everybody who thinks like him. Get a guy who has a pair already and let's start stopping somebody BEFORE they're in the shadow of the damn end zone.

Alpha Iota Gamma's (AIG) Keggers are Righteous!

Awww maaaannn, did you hear about the bash the boys from the AIG frat threw? They spent $440,000 to pay for alcohol, golf, radical hotel rooms and kick ass banquets, with pizza, beer and all the fixins.

The cover charge was $85 billion -- which all of us chipped in to pay. Unfortunately for my buddies Bluto, Otter and Dorfman, they don't make enough money to have to pay taxes, so they couldn't get in to experience one sweet buzz.

Now the hangover's hitting, but not a physical hangover. You see, AIG Insurance never planned on anyone finding out about this party -- the party they threw after the fed agreed to bail their asses out of financial trouble by approving an $85 billion loan -- the party that they approved to reward the company's top performers. That's right -- a company that has been bleeding money deemed it necessary to honor its top performers. So, how little did each of these people lose to warrant this privilege?

It goes without saying, but the people at AIG suck, and should be brought up on charges for squandering tax payer money. But, instead of being punished, the government has decided to give them another $37.8 billion in loans.

Wonder what the folks at AIG will do with this extra coin? I don't know, but I can't wait to see who the entertainment will be. With that kind of scratch, they can hire Sir Paul McCartney and have enough left over to bring in Hall and Oates and Peter Noone.

Party on Wayne! Party on Garth! Go screw yourself AIG CEO Ed Liddy!

RoadRage

Enough already!

I don't know about you but I am sick and tired of hearing all this financial stuff on the news lately. It is just getting sickening and depressing, and there's really no reason for it. Especially all the stuff about Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

I mean, really. I like Fannie Mae's candy as much as the next guy. The assorted creams in particular are excellent. I know their decision to sell out and close some shops in Chicago was bad, but I hardly think it was the cause of all our nation's financial woes. There's always Dove, and even Russell Stover isn't too bad if you hold your nose when you eat it.

As for Freddie Mac, well, sorry, but the man is dead. I know Judge Smails didn't like him, but I think we should let him rest in peace. It's really easy to blame someone who's dead for your financial troubles because he's not around to defend himself. But seriously, Mr. 300 was a pretty good movie. It's no Bull Durham or Field of Dreams, and I personally think it's a cut below Mr. Baseball, that Tom Selleck movie where he goes to Japan and bangs the daughter of the team manager. But it's at least as good as Major League 3, and I think it's better than that other piece of shit baseball movie Kevin Costner made where he's a pitcher not too long ago, even if it was directed by Sam Raimi who usually does a pretty good job. Besides, he was in all three of the Ocean's movies so you have to give him that.

I say let sleeping dogs lie. Quit blaming chocolate companies and dead comedians for your troubles. And let's have some happy news for a change.

Damn You Inventor of the Laugh Track

I'm a lot like Brian Benben from the HBO series Dream On, in that I basically grew up in front of the television. So, when I see bad TV it really pisses me off.

What's more irritating is that good shows get cancelled and the most idiotic programs somehow last forever -- they have unbelievably long original series runs, then are picked up for years in syndication.

Topping the chart on this list has to be Family Matters ... uuugghhhh. The show ran for nine fricking, annoying years from 1989 to 1998. It was about this idiotic character named Urkel, and his almost-as-annoying family. It's the kind of show that has the laugh track on automatic, no matter what's going on in the show and no matter how inane and stupid it is you hear the laugh track -- as you are slowly driving the fork in your eye to relieve the cerebral pain you are feeling from the bad humor. There's no creativity, just bad slapstick comedy that nobody ever laughs at, yet, I repeat, the show ran for 9 YEARS!! And, the link above takes you to a site on TV.com where viewers can rate the show -- and right now it's at 8.7 out of 10 (luckily, my abysmal rating brought it down from 8.8). I guess this proves that John Q. Public sucks -- if they can like this crap like this.

The only show that came close to this stupid piece of trash was Perfect Strangers, which (surprise, surprise) Family Matters was a spinoff of. This show falls under the "buddy show" category, when Balki moved in with cousin Larry -- hilarity ensued for seven years, and almost drove me to turn the TV off for ever.

On the flip side, quality shows -- where the writers actually had to think about what they were writing and were actually creative -- get tossed off the air before their time. Shows like the original Star Trek (three years), Police Squad (six episodes), Quantum Leap (5 years), the Black Donnellys (13 episodes) left you wanting to see more, yet they couldn't generate enough audience to keep them on the air. Guess that's because they didn't write their show for the lowest common denominator, who appreciates the rip-roaring comedy of Family Matters, Perfect Strangers, or any comedy that airs on the Disney Channel. Which reminds me ... for cases where capital punishment is necessary, I think that it should be a law that in the executioner's room that they air The Suite Life of Zack & Cody, so that the victim is pleading for the sweet relief of lethal injection.

What shows do you hate, and which do you wish had a longer original series run?

RoadRage

Loss of Hope

As a lifelong Cub fan, I have run into countless Cub naysayers since I was a kid.

My uncle Fred renounced the Cubs in 1933 when they traded his favorite ball player, just because he was nearing the end of his career and was losing his skills.

A lot of baby boomers stopped being fans after the 1969 season -- saying the team broke their hearts when they collapsed before making the playoffs.

Then there were those in the RoadRage generation who stopped being Cubs fans after the 1984 season because the Ryne Sandberg-led Cubs lost in the playoffs, one game before making it to the World Series for the first time in 39 years -- again, they said that their hearts were ripped out.

I never understood that -- if you are a "Die Hard" Cub fan, you're a fan for life -- like marriage, you're in it through good times and bad. How can you turn your back on the Cubs?!

After the Cubs latest collapse, I think I finally understand those disillusioned fans. This summer, I spent literally hundreds of hours watching the North Siders. I saw them change from a mediocre club to the team with the best record in the league -- then in just three short games they get eliminated, yet again, from another run at the World Series.

Right now, I can't even think about watching them next season, and that's what I am hearing from most of my friends.

That's what's different this time around ... in 2003 our hearts were ripped out, but we barely made the playoffs (with 88 wins) and went a lot farther than expected -- and we had a great team to build on for the coming years. Then in 2007, we played a much better team in the playoffs when we met the Arizona Diamondbacks, and were swept. Again, we had the nucleus for a great team to build on -- so Cubs fans were angry about losing, but hopeful for the future. Now, for me at least, that has all changed.

With this latest debacle, I have lost all hope -- hope that the Cubs will ever make the World Series and that they'll ever field a team that has any chemistry that will play for the good of the team and not themselves.

I'm hopeful that I'll get over this and will be able to turn the Cubs on next year without thinking about this season, but right now I can't even think about wasting my time to watch another Cubs team fail miserably.

At least I can take solace in the fact that Reinsdorf's White Sox lost their World Series bid today.

RoadRage

Pardon Me, I'm Dropping a Deuce, Moron!

Watching the Cubs take a dump in the 2008 playoffs reminds me of the one time that I actually ventured into a bathroom at Wrigley Field.

As mentioned in earlier posts, RoadRage doesn't like doing his business in public bathrooms, since they are usually disgusting and this isn't something I consider a communal activity.

Now, think of the worst bathroom you have ever been in and multiply that by 100, and you have a Wrigley Field bathroom. Rather than using individual urinals, men are herded like race horses to piss in a trough -- third world accommodations in a five-star ballpark. Luckily, I found what I thought to be a diamond in the rough -- a smaller bathroom inside a restaurant just inside Gate N.

I had to use the one stall in the small bathroom because I had to drop a deuce. This bathroom was much like others, so the stall door was a foot higher than the floor -- an ingenious innovation that allows would-be deuce droppers to determine whether anyone is inside the stall.

Unfortunately for RoadRage, the stall door was broken and couldn't be locked, and the one guy who never saw a stall door in his life happened upon that bathroom at just the most inopportune time. I was mid-wipe, and this jack ass just barrels into the stall. I yelled, "Get the @!&# out of here, dickhead!" Then when I came out, he apologized. Gee, thanks. Saying sorry that I saw you wipe your ass -- doesn't really make me feel better.

It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life -- other guys seeing me go to the bathroom is one of the main reasons I hate going in public bathrooms, so of course this would happen to me.

The problem is it could have all been avoided if this imbecile simply looked under the stall door to see if the bathroom was already occupied. It was just laziness and inconsideration--two of the top reasons why people suck.

Next time you have to go in public, please take a couple of seconds to determine if someone's inside the stall. You'll be doing both the person inside the stall and yourself a favor.

RoadRage

Blue balls in the NLDS

I have a problem with MLB and their coverage of the play-offs--aside from the Cubs not being able to field or hit or pitch (3 essentials in the playoffs), and the fact that I can't have my hometown T.V. crew to do the games.

My smashed 1/4''-pound beef is with the advertising. Not only are the same 6 commercials aired in heavy rotation, but some are inappropriate.

Let me explain. Mum-ra sat down with the little ra's in hopes of good playoff baseball--in fact my oldest ra plays baseball and really gets into the games. Then it happens -- commercials about what to take if you piss too much; What do if you have a 4-hour boner...and others that are not to kid friendly.

They run the DirectTV ads about blocking inappropriate shows -- "sorry I have to block you," but they don't get the message.

MLB has enough problems with drugs and how it could affect the game and our kids. While I know that in my day Carlton Fisk only "needed a pinch between his cheek and gums," it didn't make me take up chewing, but when you are trying to gain back some respect and attract younger viewers, dropping those ads would help. Not to mention that if the the target audience has these problems I don't think they are watching the game anyway.

Mum-ra

Oh Yeah, the Fries, That's the Key to Success

Why is this man frowning? Because the new owners of Wendy's are dumbasses!

A couple of days ago, new CEO Roland Smith said that they were going to shake things up by changing the Wendy's menu.

His big, earth-shattering plans? Change the hamburger buns, fries and bacon. Yes, I think those improvements will help Wendy's take over McDonald's as the #1 fast food chain.

Apparently, Roland hasn't eaten at Wendy's before -- their fries and buns are actually two of their better food items.

If he wants to improve Wendy's he has to look no further than the meat. Back in the mid-80s, when Clara Peller's senility made us smile every time she yelled, "Where's the Beef?" Wendy's actually had good meat. They always promoted how juicy their burgers were -- that is, they were really greasy. To me, grease=taste.

In the late 1980s, when I was working at Wendy's, they changed their meat to appease the new health fad. Rather than cooking thick and juicy burgers, I had to use my spatula to smush as much grease out of the burgers as possible. So, instead of getting a good burger, customers started getting pieces of meat that were less than half an inch thick, and about two feet wide.

Not much has changed with their meat since than, and if my wife didn't like their food, I probably wouldn't go there.

If they want to start winning customers back, I think Wendy's has to take a page out of the book of George Costanza -- and do the opposite. Instead of making everything healthy, bring back the thick and juicy triple hamburgers, transfats, and Super Biggie Frosties. Now, that's good eatin'!

RoadRage

Sorry Copper, This is Standing, Not Parking

I have all the respect in the world for the men in blue, but some of them are just jackasses.

The other night, I was at the grocery store waiting for my pregnant wife to come out, so I pulled up in the fire lane to wait for her -- just like everyone else in the world does -- especially if their wife is pregnant.

While I was waiting, a cop came up and asked me why I was parked in a fire lane -- I said that I wasn't parking -- I was standing. He became visibly angry and told me to move before he gave me a ticket.

There was, in fact, a sign that said no parking, but I wasn't parking -- under the terms of the law I was standing -- i.e. I was sitting in my car while it was running. There's clearly a difference between standing and parking--which is when you physically get out of the car. If there wasn't a difference, there wouldn't be signs that read "No Parking or Standing Any Time" -- they'd just read "No Parking Any Time."

While I wasn't given a ticket, the cop had no right to tell me to move or threaten me with a ticket for parking. That's like threatening to give me a ticket for jay walking while I'm driving down the street.

Aside from the fact that I wasn't parking, I have had friends who have been involved in accidents in store parking lots, and the cops who came to make the report said they couldn't issue a ticket because the accident happened on the store's property.

Which is it? These guys can't change the laws to fit their mood -- either you can give a ticket or you can't, and I'm guessing that when you are not breaking the law cops can't issue a ticket.

So, next time I'm trying to be nice to my wife, so that she doesn't have to walk farther than necessary, how about you go nab some crack head instead of busting my ass. And, while you're at it, why don't you familiarize yourself with the Illinois state law book, you dick head!

RoadRage