We're Being Invaded! By Mexico?

When did our country go so bad that Mexico would think about invading us? Well, if I carry the two, it looks like somewhere around November 2000, but that is up for debate. Talk amongst yourselves.

For tonight, we have breaking news, people. Mexico has invaded the United States! I wish I was shitting you right now, but I am not. Didn't we secure "The Homeland" after 9/11? Guess not.

Earlier today, the Mexico Army came across the border and--get this shit--arrested one of our border patrol troops. What, did Bluto Blutowski become president of Mexico (It would make sense, considering we have our own underdeveloped frat boy protecting our borders.) when I was sleeping? According to sources close to the U.S. border patrol, instances like this happen all the time, but our government turns a deaf ear to it. What the hell?

So you're telling me that while we are pulling our weiners out of an illegal invasion of a sovereign nation which has cost our country and our next of kin trillions of dollars, the Mexico Army can just walk across the border and hold one of our border patrol agents at gunpoint?

As with any colossal fuck up under the blind guise of this administration, we will ignore it, because we have other worries on our minds, like not being able to afford gas to get to work, exploding grocery prices to feed our families and our homes being taken away from us because of the mortgage crisis. And for those who aren't impacted by this crisis, you have the PR-driven press conference of President Chump telling China how to treat its people, which is tantamount to Ike Turner giving a course on domestic violence prevention.

Great job, Republicans. You've done it again!

Judge Elihu Smails

Ben's World! Ben's World! Party Time! Excellent!

Just when you thought Republican celebrity pundits couldn't get any stupider, Ben Stein has stepped to the plate and hit a home run.

No, I'm not talking about his recent New York Times editorial, where he insists the economy isn't all that bad. I'm talking about his suggestion that John McCain gussy up his campaign with a little help from... Karl Rove.

Dude, go for it. Go for the guy who led the whisper campaigns against you in the 2000 primaries, where voters were asked if they would vote for you if they knew you fathered a black child, or if they would feel confident with someone's mentality after being held in a tiger cage for years. Go for the guy who outed a U.S. spy, which is tantamount to treason and punishable buy death. Go for the guy who orchestrated the lies that got us into the shit-storm in Iraq. Go for the guy who was Bush's brain--he burned the other one on coke.

Ben, are you drunk, or just stupid?Did you really think this one out before speaking? I know that most Americans are morons, but I would think that with the way the economy has gone and all the hell this administration has put our country in, proposing its poster child for a third term is probably about as sensible as dipping your nuts in tuna oil and dangling them over the seal tank at the zoo.

Then again, Ben, I can understand why you would say such iodiotic things. You were, after all, one of Nixon's speech writers.