When I am King...

...the following people will not be allowed to drive at these times:

• Old people -- ever


• Asians generally -- during rush hour or in the evening on the weekends


• Asians in Toyotas -- ever


• Women on cell phones -- allowed until they are in my way, then ever


• Really hot women on cell phones -- as always, really hot women can do whatever they want


• Men wearing hats -- during rush hour


• Women in large SUVs -- allowed to drive on the streets anytime, but may not park within 200 yards of any building


• Hispanics -- if fluent in English may drive at anytime; if not, during rush hour or weekend evenings

You're welcome

Your Favorite Movie Sucks!

First off, apologies to the three faithful fans of the People Suck blog. RoadRage has been too busy dealing with dirtbags this past month to have any time to post to the People Suck blog. But, the time has come for me to complain about an entire group of people.

I am a huge movie fan. I like all different kinds of movies -- dramas, comedies, dramedies, and the like. I enjoy old movies, new movies...any movie that has a good storyline and good acting has basically made its way into my DVD collection.

What I can't stand are people who don't like a movie simply because it's a mainstream film. You know the type. You tell them that you really enjoyed the movie Gladiator, and they look at you like you're a total mental midget. Then they go on to tell you about the historical inaccuracies of the film, and explain to you that the only reason it won the Academy Award for best movie was because no other good movies were made that year.

So, you ask them what their favorite movie is and they tell you it's something like "Slacker" -- a movie that follows one person around as they walk through their mundane life for about five minutes, then follows another person (s)he runs into for about five minutes, and then does this repeatedly throughout the movie -- never telling you a real story. So, after two hours, you're left there wishing you had those two hours of your life back. But not Joe Culture...to him it's cinematic genius! Why? First off, because it's an independent film (that gives it ate least two stars in his mind), and then they credit the great work of the director and the artistic value of the film. Good grief!

I don't go to movies to appreciate art -- if I wanted that, I'd go to the Art Institute of Chicago. I go to be entertained, and movies like Gladiator, Braveheart and (more recently) Benjamin Button do that.

And, I'm not ripping on independent films...there are a lot of good ones that have been made recently, most notably Napoleon Dynamite -- but just because a movie is an independent film doesn't make it automatically great, and just because a movie is made by a studio doesn't make it instant crap. So all of you self-righteous, indie fans get off your high horses and enjoy yourself some Rocky Balboa!

My top five favorite movies all time:

1. It's A Wonderful Life
2. Braveheart
3. A Man for All Seasons
4. The Natural
5. Field of Dreams

What are yours?

RoadRage

Move that damn garbage truck

First of all, let me tell you that ol' Ty has nothing but respect for the entire sanitation industry. They do a job that is extremely necessary and that most of us wouldn't want to do. Sort of like being Manny Ramirez's media coach.

That being said, however, the guys who are driving the trucks need to remember that the rest of us have places to be too. Yesterday morning I was driving through my neighborhood on my way in to work, my second day back after a two-week vacation. The garbage men were out clearing the neighborhood of its refuse, which is good. But then the numbskull driving the truck on a somewhat narrow street decides to park it in pretty much the center of the street to make it more convenient to work both sides of the street. Not only that, but he stops next to a parked car, making the road completely impassable.

I waited about 20 seconds to see what would happen, but it was obvious that truck was going to be there for about five to 10 minutes while they dealt with all the post-holiday garbage. So I had to turn around and find another way to work.

Sure, it doesn't compare to what's going on between the Israelis and Hamas on the Gaza Strip. But still, it had more direct impact on my life than that event, so I was more than a bit perturbed.

What can I say but garbage truck drive, you suck? And happy 2009 to one and all.