Stow that finger, asshole

While this would seem more to be in RoadRage's area of expertise, I have to share a morning commute story.

I was driving down Route 45 in Mundelein, following the usual lollygagging morons, so I decided to change lanes. I checked my mirrors and checked my blind spot, and all was clear so I turned on my directional and started moving over. As I did, some guy in a Saturn Outlook put the pedal to the metal to try and prevent me from coming into his lane. I remember thinking "WTF?" as I saw him speed up on me. I looked into the rear view mirror to see if I was about to get rear ended, and the guy actually flipped me off (that's oldspeak for flicked me off, for you youngsters).

I couldn't believe it! First of all, the guy was nowhere near when I started, so if anyone was at fault it was him. I didn't cut him off; he came up on me. More importantly though, any guy driving A) a Saturn and B) one of those vehicles that can't decide whether it's a car, a minivan, or an SUV needs to rethink the use of his middle finger. Generally speaking, any guy driving a car like that is probably a pussy. I'm not the toughest guy in the world, but I ain't small. From the looks of him, I probably could've extricated him from his car through the driver side window, helping him relive the birth experience, before causing him to soil his pants.

Dude, you were in the wrong. Don't compound your troubles by taking on battles you can't win. Take a chill pill and give thanks for all you have. It's only a traffic lane, after all. You suck. You're just lucky I don't.

It's That Time of Year ... When Part-Time Church Goers Bug the Hell out of Me

For those of you reading who are Catholic, you know that Advent starts this week. It's the four-week period before Christmas that the church uses to prepare for the birth of Christ.

As the Church prepares, so does its parishioners, who decide that after neglecting the Church for most of the year that they'll grace the house of God with their presence, lest they burn in eternal damnation. So, they start trickling in this week, and then by Christmas day, the Church, which usually welcomes around 300 people per mass, is busting at the seams with more than double that.

This puts a terrible strain on RoadRage. All year I work to keep the Sabbath, as the Good Book tells me to do. While I'm there I usually sit in my personal favorite spot, I have room to move around, and I'm not forced to commiserate with my fellow Christians in tight quarters.

But, Christmas reminds these part-time Christians that they haven't paid their respects to their maker for sometime, and that this is the perfect time to do it -- kind of a birthday present for Jesus.

That's all fine and good, and I'm sure the Church enjoys getting the extra revenue in their coffers to help them stay in business, but for people like me, it's a pain in the ass.

First off, trying to find parking becomes hell on earth. Then, during mass, the seat that I was in for the previous 48 weeks, suddenly is gone, or the pew that I am in is so packed with you heathens, that I don't even want to sit there -- so I'm forced to sit farther back.

Then, as the mass goes on, I'm forced to hold hands with people during the Our Father, when in weeks past, there was so much space between me and the next person that it didn't seem like I was blowing the person off closest to me when I didn't participate.

This year, as a little holiday gift to RoadRage, why don't you part-timers treat mass like a health club membership -- send in your check, and just stay away. The Church will be happy to get the money, you'll be happy to not have to give up a whole hour of your time each Sunday and, most importantly, RoadRage will be happy not to have to look at you all the next four weeks.

But, I'm guessing I'll have to see you through Christmas and again at Easter.

Merry Christmas, losers!

RoadRage

GameStop: The Coffee Shop for Nerds

Sorry for the short break between posts. I guess with it being Christmas season, that the rage is subsiding in RoadRage, and he's learning to enjoy the idiosyncrasies of his fellow man -- that he's starting to appreciate why people use their shopping cart to block the path of other shoppers trying to make their way around a store; that he enjoys going 30 miles an hour in a 55-mph zone thank to an 18-year-old who is more interested in using her smart phone than watching the road ahead.

Yeah, right. I still can't stand a single one of you.

My latest run-in with one of you nitwits was yesterday during my first day of vacation. Mrs. RoadRage and I went out to get some early Christmas shopping done.

I went to checkout video games, and what to my wondering eyes should be in the store? A man in his thirties debating the cultural significance of Grand Theft Auto IV.

Now, I admit that I am a big fan of video games -- mainly sports games like Madden, NHL and MLB: The Show. And, I enjoy going to video game stores; taking my son and/or daughter to pick out games for themselves.

But, I think I'm going to have to start shopping for games online, if the trend I've witnessed lately picks up steam. It's as if today's video game store is now a coffee shop for geeks and nerds. (Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds would be pissed.) Every time you go into GameStop or EB Games, you are sure to find that there's usually one or two customers holding court with the store clerks, critiquing every game they have ever played, and going into great detail about how Zelda: Twilight Princess has changed their life.

It's bad enough that you have to put up with their mind-numbingly inane conversation, but what's worse is that none of the store employees break away to help you find the game you want to buy. And, to top it all off, it makes regular folk like RoadRage feel like complete doofuses for still liking video games.

So, rather than wait a half hour for the conversation to evolve to a conclusion, or butt in and face the possibility of the group trying to draw me in to their confab, I decided to leave and do my shopping on www.gamestop.com. Online shopping doesn't have the immediacy of the brick and mortar stores, but at least I don't have to lose my dignity buying Smurf Racer.

RoadRage

Time for a Cyber Cigarette

This falls under the category of, "Now I've heard everything."

An English couple are getting a divorce because the husband had an extra-marital affair. Well, if the story ended there it would make sense. But, turns out hubby was having sex with another woman online in the virtual community Second Life.

Amy Taylor walked in on her husband, whose avatar (a computer-generated graphic that represents the person controlling it) having sex with a female avatar from the United States. The husband, David Pollard, and this other woman had never met in real life, because apparently this guy has never done anything outside of his virtual world. In fact, this story made news because Amy and David's wedding was held in Second Life back in 2005.

At first, I thought Amy was an idiot for seeking a divorce based on her husband having cyber sex and not a real affair, but now that I have thought about it more, I think this guy's a complete whack job and doesn't deserve a wife.

Now, I enjoy the Internet as much as the next person, but I'm not going to whip out my cyber wang and go strutting my stuff in Second Life, or any other virtual world for that matter.

As I read this story and continued thinking about it, I couldn't comprehend why anyone would hold their marriage in the virtual world, or why anyone would go through the trouble of creating an avatar and figuring out how to copulate with someone else online.

And then it hit me...it's the basis of this whole blog. People suck! That's the only way to explain it. Instead of spending time on Second Life, people like this need to get a First Life -- go outside, and start interacting with the world.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play NHL 09 on my PS3 for the next six hours.

RoadRage

So Long, Kerry Wood -- You'll be Missed

The Cubs are testing my allegiance again, with news breaking today that they are not going to bring back my favorite Cub -- Kerry Wood -- back next year.

This is why the Cubs will not win a championship any time soon. Instead of showing a shred of loyalty to guys that put the team before themselves, they treat them like yesterday's trash.

For 11 seasons, Wood gave every thing he had to the Cubs and the city of Chicago -- and not just on the ball field. Wood and his wife were very active with charitable work, and he annually hosted a bowling tournament to raise money for various charities.

A lot of the time during Wood's time here, he was on the disabled list -- and most of the time, it was because he tried to come back to the team sooner than he should have. That's the way he plays the game -- it's not just about him, it's about his teammates and the fact that he doesn't want to let them down.

But, why you would you want to keep a guy like that on the team? Instead, why don't we keep it filled with the guys who think it's more important to hit home runs than to play for the other 23 guys who play with them every day. Let's keep guys like Alfonso Soriano on the team, so that if we make the playoffs again we can have everyone hitting for the fences instead of bunting guys over, and refuse to hit lower in the lineup, so that a speedy, slap hitter can lead things off.

And, let's hold on to pitchers like Zambrano who show up their teammates if they make an error, and start lobbing fat fastballs over the plate if an umpire makes a bad call against him, or if he doesn't get a hit the inning before.

Again, this is why the Cubs can't win. Guys like Kerry Wood make the game better, and they make the players around them better. Now, we don't have any players like that, which isn't a surprise, there's not that many of them around.

Good luck to you Kerry. You're a great ball player and a great guy. Thanks for everything you have done for the Cubs and for Chicago.

Cubs management, you suck!

RoadRage

No, You Have a Magical Frickin' Day!

Aluh-kazoola, zippity-doola, bippity-boppity-boo! Put 'em together and what do you got? Hell on earth!

Orlando and Disney, aka the "Happiest Place on Earth," is not the right place for a person of RoadRage's disposition. I just returned to my stomping grounds and couldn't be happier.

I had a quick trip to Orlando for a conference I was attending. It was held at a resort on Disney's property, and the moment I stepped off the plane my trip sucked.

It took me an hour to get my luggage and find my transportation to the conference.

First, I was thinking of taking a cab -- but that would have cost me $70. Next option: the Magical Disney Express -- a free bus ride from the airport to Disney. Great! Except you have a two-and-a-half hour wait to get on one. So, I go with the last-ditch option -- the $20 shuttle. The shuttle was fine, but of course, my hotel is the last one on the route -- five stops before hand meant I reached my final stop 2.5 hours after my flight arrived. Good times!

After that, I had to go do some work, and when I came back to my room, I thought I would try to do some more. But, no such luck -- the resort had no wireless access. That makes sense...Epcot Center, home of Future World, is on the same grounds as a resort stuck in 2002.

Then to end the night, I wanted to order a late dinner. I called down to room service at 8:50 and was on hold until 9:10.

Zippidy-doo-dah, zippity yay! How I love wasting my en-tire day!

The next day was filled with work, so Disney couldn't make my day suck -- that is until dinner.

I tried finding a good place to eat, so I did what most hotel guests do -- I went to the concierge. I asked for a good place to eat and was promptly told that everything was booked if I didn't have a reservation. Thanks for the help, chief. Much appreciated. Glad you know how to do your job.

I took a magical 45-minute bus ride to Downtown Disney and found a place with ample seating, and finally had a good time at Disney.

So, of the 48 hours I had at Disney, I had one hour of good times. Thanks for the magical week Disney -- you suck!

RoadRage

Thumbs Down to the Latest School Recital

Any parents reading this post know the dread of attending their kids' music recital.

Of course, seeing your own children performing is enjoyable, but having to put up with everything else that goes on at a school-organized music recital is like living through hell on earth.

Aside from watching your one or two kids perform, you have to put up with about 300 other kids -- most of which who don't want to be there and just look miserable. My son took the easy way out last night, faking illness so he didn't have to go on stage. I feigned anger, but in reality, that let me leave an hour earlier, so I was proud of the boy.

And, I can put up with the kids who don't want to be there, but what is really gut-wrenching at these events is having to sit through watching a music teacher who enjoys taking the limelight away from the children.

Here's the set up: Each class has a handful of kids read a silly rhyme in front of the parents to introduce the upcoming song. But, instead of letting the kids do the honors, sometimes the music teacher takes the mic and starts doing the lines herself -- babbling about like a six-year-old.

When the kids say the lines, even though it's inane text, at least they can make it cute. But, when a 50+ woman does it and talks like a kid it makes you wish it was the Gong Show, so that you can hit the gong and end the program right there. But, with no gongs to be had, your stuck there, listening and watching something that totally sucks.

Well, at least there's one good thing. With the lack of funding our schools have, at least I only have to put up with it once a year.

RoadRage

Quit the Election Hyperbole!

You know, I have been hearing a lot lately that this is the most important presidential election in U.S. history.

Now, when have I heard that hyperbole before? Hmmmmm...... Oh yeah, it was in 2004, 2000, 1996, 1992, etc...

Why does everyone say that the current election they are voting in is the most important election ever? It's just not the case.

Can anyone seriously say that the Obama-McCain race is the most important election in U.S. history? Give me a break.

For those of you who follow U.S. history, you may remember a few more races that were more important. Like 1976, when Jimmy Carter ran against Gerald Ford (succeeding Nixon); 1940, Wendell Wilkie against Franklin Roosevelt (WWII); 1932, Herbert Hoover against Roosevelt (Great Depression) -- to name a few.

But, to me, there was never a more important presidential election than the race in 1864, when Abraham Lincoln ran on the Republican ticket against the Democrat's George B. McClellan.

For those of you who know nothing about history , this election was held during the Civil War. If McClellan won, he promised to end the war and seek peace with the Confederate states. The election of Lincoln showed that the country still supported Lincoln's plan to finish the war in order to preserve the Union.

Yeah, that seems a little more important than this year's election. So, when you are talking about today's vote and want to call it the most important election ever -- just remember that the U.S. became a country in 1776, not 1976, dumbass!

RoadRage

Doing My Job -- Voting for Forest Preserve Funding!

Since I am a resident of Illinois, and voters in the state have apparently turned out in record numbers, my vote today was basically rendered useless.

Barack Obama won the state, as expected, and one of my political heroes, Dick Durbin, easily won back his Senate seat.

Both of these races were landslides, so if I didn't vote, it wouldn't have mattered. So, basically, the only thing it was important for me to vote on today was to provide funding to preserve more forest space in Lake County.

Boy, am I glad I did my duty today and voted. Because of me, chipmunks, squirrels, raccoons and deer might have more space to call home. Phew ... that was a close one. If I didn't vote today all hell would have broken loose.

Why can't I be in an important state, like Ohio or Florida, so my vote actually makes a difference? Oh well...nothing really sucks here, I'm just complaining because I have the right to, since I voted today.

Now, I'm going to go watch the results to see who dethrones President Bush.

RoadRage