RoadRage's Problem is He's too Nice!

Last week, I had a meeting in Chicago. Having worked there for five years earlier in my life, I know how to make my way around town without getting duped by street hustlers. Well, at least I thought I did.

I was coming out of a parking garage on Ohio, when a guy with a brush and rag approached me. Ordinarily, I'd just keep walking, blowing the guy off. But, it's the holidays, so I slowed down to pull out what change I had in my pocket -- about $1.25.

That's when the guy started brushing my feet, and then pulled out his rag. I figured I'd let him finish, and then pay him what I thought was a good wage for a shoe shine that never actually included polish -- about $5.

After the guy was done he told me it was $8/shoe, plus tip. Rather than arguing with the guy and facing the possibility of getting knifed, I figured I'd pay the guy and get out of there.

I was kicking myself the rest of the day, thinking I just should have never slowed down, because then it never would have happened. And then it hit me -- I'm just too damn nice to people.

Look at the things that I complain about on this site -- people cutting me off while driving, poor customer service, morons invading my space while swimming. They all come down to one thing -- I'm just too nice to complain, and I don't want to be a jerk to other people.

But from now on, I'm not going to give a rat's ass. I'm done worrying about other people's feelings, and whether I am upsetting them. Nobody else seems to care, so why should I?

So, now when RoadRage goes driving, I'll earn my moniker, by cutting people off, running people off the road, and going 30 in a 50, just because I want to piss the people off behind me.

At the grocery store checkout, I'll ask the cashier to do a price check when I buy a 4-pound bag of oranges and it comes up at $3.58 instead of $3.57, just so the ten people in line behind me will have to wait a bit longer.

When I'm at church next, rather than sitting in an empty pew with my family, I'll ask the family in the row behind me to make room for us.

With 2009 coming up, I'm just announcing my resolution a little early -- and that is to be a dick to everyone. I just want to fit in with the rest of you.

RoadRage