Hey all you morons out there who don't get it. Let me explain to you how the drive-through window at a fast food restaurant is supposed to work. You pull up to the microphone where you place your order, which is something off the standard menu. You then pull up, hand the Hispanic person at the window your money, they mumble something unintelligible back to you, hand you your food, and you drive away. The whole encounter should take about a minute to a minute and a half. A lot of them even have little timers to make sure of it.
So why do some of you still go through the drivethrough like you've just gotten a table at Wolfgang Puck's? Let me give you some hints on proper etiquette.
The time to start figuring out what you want to eat is not when you pull up to the microphone. That decision should be made already. If you are such a moron that you just can't do it, they have giant pictures of the food right in front of your face. You don't even have to be able to read the language. Just say you want a "number one," or a "number one with cheese." Don't start looking around on the value menu putting together your own order. Make it easy, make it fast. Get a combo and move on. And no special ordering either. I don't care what Burger King says. Have it the way it's designed or don't go through the drive-through.
The microphone is also not the place to start asking your little rugrats in the back of the van what they want. They have no clue. Get them chicken nuggets or a burger. Sure, that's probably how RoadRage ended up food-challenged, but so what? He seems to be doing ok. Kids don't need choices, they need boundaries. You should know what your kids like. Order it and move up.
If you absolutely can't make a decision that quickly, the drive-through window is not for you. Park your gas-guzzling vehicle (straddling two lines) and walk your fat ass into the restaurant proper, where you can stand like one of those Depression-era people in the soup line until you figure out what the hell you (or your brats) want to eat. Then you're not holding up the rest of us.
Once you place your order, pull the hell up to the window so the next person in line can order. Don't fish for your purse or wallet. Don't take this moment to explain to the kids that the food will be here soon. Don't start taking up a collection from your buddies to pay for the impending feast. Don't take this opportunity to give the interior of your car a 14-point inspection. Just pull up to the window where you pay and get the money out then. Nothing bigger than a $20, either.
When you do get your food, it's ok to take a moment to check your bag to make sure the bottom feeders inside gave you everything you ordered. But you're not running the checklist before launching the Space Shuttle. Look in the bag, count up what's there, and if it's all there pull out. You don't need to put everything back exactly where it was. You don't need to check if it's the proper temperature, or if all the fries were distributed evenly. Throw the bag on the seat next to you and pull out so the next person (me) can get his food and move on too.
Keep in mind you're not going for a gourmet meal. You're there because you're either in a hurry or too lazy to walk the 15 steps into the restaurant. It's called fast food for a reason. There's already one lie in that phrase. Don't be the reason there are two lies in it.
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