RoadRage's Problem is He's too Nice!

Last week, I had a meeting in Chicago. Having worked there for five years earlier in my life, I know how to make my way around town without getting duped by street hustlers. Well, at least I thought I did.

I was coming out of a parking garage on Ohio, when a guy with a brush and rag approached me. Ordinarily, I'd just keep walking, blowing the guy off. But, it's the holidays, so I slowed down to pull out what change I had in my pocket -- about $1.25.

That's when the guy started brushing my feet, and then pulled out his rag. I figured I'd let him finish, and then pay him what I thought was a good wage for a shoe shine that never actually included polish -- about $5.

After the guy was done he told me it was $8/shoe, plus tip. Rather than arguing with the guy and facing the possibility of getting knifed, I figured I'd pay the guy and get out of there.

I was kicking myself the rest of the day, thinking I just should have never slowed down, because then it never would have happened. And then it hit me -- I'm just too damn nice to people.

Look at the things that I complain about on this site -- people cutting me off while driving, poor customer service, morons invading my space while swimming. They all come down to one thing -- I'm just too nice to complain, and I don't want to be a jerk to other people.

But from now on, I'm not going to give a rat's ass. I'm done worrying about other people's feelings, and whether I am upsetting them. Nobody else seems to care, so why should I?

So, now when RoadRage goes driving, I'll earn my moniker, by cutting people off, running people off the road, and going 30 in a 50, just because I want to piss the people off behind me.

At the grocery store checkout, I'll ask the cashier to do a price check when I buy a 4-pound bag of oranges and it comes up at $3.58 instead of $3.57, just so the ten people in line behind me will have to wait a bit longer.

When I'm at church next, rather than sitting in an empty pew with my family, I'll ask the family in the row behind me to make room for us.

With 2009 coming up, I'm just announcing my resolution a little early -- and that is to be a dick to everyone. I just want to fit in with the rest of you.

RoadRage

Adios, HotShots

This is probably a little mean, even for me, but the other day I noticed that the HotShots "restaurant" near our office finally closed down. All I can say is good riddance. I know RoadRage liked them because they served RC fountain drinks, but other than that there wasn't a whole lot to recommend them.

This was a burger and hot dog place where the food was sub-par and the service was horrendous. Now, normally when you go to a place like that and order a hot dog you expect it to be ready in a minute or two. Maybe five minutes if it's really busy and there's a line out the door (a problem HotShots never had). But at HotShots, you pretty much had to grab a seat because it could take 10 to 15 minutes to get your hot dog and fries to you. I'm not exaggerating, either. What could possibly take 10 minutes to make a hot dog? You slap a dog in a bun, throw some mustard and veggies on it, and serve it up. But not there. All I can figure is they were too busy making crack in the back to be bothered with something as mundane as a hot dog.

Worse yet, when you'd finally get the hot dog it wasn't the greatest hot dog you'd ever eaten, thereby making it worth the wait. Instead, it was more like the 'dog you mom would boil, pull off the stove and stick in a cheap house brand bun.

No matter what you'd order it was the same result. I tried ordering the chicken once, figuring it would be the fastest. I mean, the chicken should already be ready, so it's just a matter of transferring it to a plate, right? No way. My compatriates were already eating their burgers and other sandwiches while I still waited for what I can only presume was for the egg to hatch and the chicken to be forceable matured on the spot.

Now, understand that all of this lousy service occurred when the only people in the place was me and 3-5 other people. Seriously! And it's not like there was a big walk-in trade either. When it comes to food I am not a patient man, and the last thing I want to do on my lunch hour is sit around waiting forever for my lunch to be made up so I can pick it up at the counter.

It was a shame. The place was within walking distance of my office. It could've been the greatest place ever, had it been any good at all. Instead, it was just a horrible experience the few times I went there.

So adios HotShots! While I feel bad for any small business that closes, I don't in this case. You sucked, and you got what you deserved.

Stupid, Lousy, No-Good, Dirt-bag Senate Bastards

So, let me get this straight. The Senate said they would not support the auto industry bailout because they want the United Auto Workers to agree to a pay cut?

I guess that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Why should we help the auto industry to pay employees the money they deserve for actually doing their jobs when their bosses can't do it themselves? I think the American taxpayers' money is much better spent helping to pay multi-million dollar bonuses (or bonii as Mr. Burns would say) to bank executives whose "great leadership" translated in to millions of dollars in losses for their organizations.

On the surface, you probably think that sounds like an asinine comment, and you'd be right. But, that's exactly what the Senate is saying by approving the $700 billion bailout for the banking industry and rejecting the auto industry's bailout request for $34 billion.

Now, RoadRage doesn't like giving handouts to anyone, but I think that the auto industry deserves a little helping hand right now. While it may not be the "backbone' of the country's economy any more, the auto industry plays a tremendous role and employs hundreds of thousands of people across the U.S. -- add in the people employed by service providers and other industries in business due to the auto industry, and that number is in the millions.

If the auto industry fails, millions of jobs would be in jeopardy, and the billions of dollars these people would pour back into the economy would be lost, leading to even harder times for the nation.

So, Senate leaders, I implore you to take your collective head out of your collective ass, and get this passed, so that we can save the "Big Three" before they fail and bring the country's economy even further down into a black hole.

Personally, I much rather help save auto manufacturers than the banking industry. Why? Because, the ineptness that is prevalent in the auto industry can be corrected -- this money can actually do some good for the ailing auto manufacturers, and I think they can turn their fortunes around.

And, while you can help ineptness, you can't cure greed. By throwing money at the banking industry, were just putting money into the hands of executives who are more interested in their own welfare than how the banks are going to help the nation's economy (the reason they were given the money in the first place). Banking executives have proven their greed by seeking exorbitant bonuses for themselves and spending hundreds of thousands on parties to celebrate the bailout approval.

But, more importantly... why haven't banks started giving out more business loans and personal loans to help jump-start the economy? What are they doing with the money they have already received, besides pocketing it for themselves?

It's all bull shit, and the Senate needs to take a look at that right after they approve the auto industry bailout.

But, right now, I say the U.S. Senate sucks!

RoadRage

What the drive-through window is for

Hey all you morons out there who don't get it. Let me explain to you how the drive-through window at a fast food restaurant is supposed to work. You pull up to the microphone where you place your order, which is something off the standard menu. You then pull up, hand the Hispanic person at the window your money, they mumble something unintelligible back to you, hand you your food, and you drive away. The whole encounter should take about a minute to a minute and a half. A lot of them even have little timers to make sure of it.

So why do some of you still go through the drivethrough like you've just gotten a table at Wolfgang Puck's? Let me give you some hints on proper etiquette.

The time to start figuring out what you want to eat is not when you pull up to the microphone. That decision should be made already. If you are such a moron that you just can't do it, they have giant pictures of the food right in front of your face. You don't even have to be able to read the language. Just say you want a "number one," or a "number one with cheese." Don't start looking around on the value menu putting together your own order. Make it easy, make it fast. Get a combo and move on. And no special ordering either. I don't care what Burger King says. Have it the way it's designed or don't go through the drive-through.

The microphone is also not the place to start asking your little rugrats in the back of the van what they want. They have no clue. Get them chicken nuggets or a burger. Sure, that's probably how RoadRage ended up food-challenged, but so what? He seems to be doing ok. Kids don't need choices, they need boundaries. You should know what your kids like. Order it and move up.

If you absolutely can't make a decision that quickly, the drive-through window is not for you. Park your gas-guzzling vehicle (straddling two lines) and walk your fat ass into the restaurant proper, where you can stand like one of those Depression-era people in the soup line until you figure out what the hell you (or your brats) want to eat. Then you're not holding up the rest of us.

Once you place your order, pull the hell up to the window so the next person in line can order. Don't fish for your purse or wallet. Don't take this moment to explain to the kids that the food will be here soon. Don't start taking up a collection from your buddies to pay for the impending feast. Don't take this opportunity to give the interior of your car a 14-point inspection. Just pull up to the window where you pay and get the money out then. Nothing bigger than a $20, either.

When you do get your food, it's ok to take a moment to check your bag to make sure the bottom feeders inside gave you everything you ordered. But you're not running the checklist before launching the Space Shuttle. Look in the bag, count up what's there, and if it's all there pull out. You don't need to put everything back exactly where it was. You don't need to check if it's the proper temperature, or if all the fries were distributed evenly. Throw the bag on the seat next to you and pull out so the next person (me) can get his food and move on too.

Keep in mind you're not going for a gourmet meal. You're there because you're either in a hurry or too lazy to walk the 15 steps into the restaurant. It's called fast food for a reason. There's already one lie in that phrase. Don't be the reason there are two lies in it.

How Much Bigotry Does One Reindeer Have to Deal With?

I just watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on CBS this week, and I was wondering if Rudolph has any real friends.

It seems to me that everyone he encounters, except for Comet's daughter Clarice and his friend Hermey, is a complete bigot. And, the biggest Archie Bunker of them all is the fatman himself, Santa.

St. Nick just can't find it in his heart to forgive young Rudolph for being born with a birth defect. Upon their first meeting, when Rudolph is fresh out of his mother's womb, Santa tells father Donner that he has to do something about Rudolph and that nose of his.

Later, Rudolph shows off his flying skills, demonstrating that he was better than any of the other young bucks who were at the trials -- those same bucks that would not allow him to play in any of their reindeer games. Santa was quite impressed with the lad, until Rudolph's faux black nose fell off to reveal the awful truth that he had a glowing red nose. Santa's response? "What a shame, and he has such a good takeoff, too!" So, just because he's different, there was no way in hell that Santa was going to give him an opportunity to lead his sleigh. And, to literally add insult to injury, Santa tells Donner he should be ashamed of himself! For what? having a son with a deformity? Before seeing this show, I would have thought Santa was Pro-Life, but I guess not now.

Santa finally changes his tune when he realizes Rudolph can actually help him. And right before he asks him to guide his sleigh, Santa is still putting him down, asking him to "tone down" his nose.

Then you have Clarice's father, Comet. The guy is pure evil. When he finds out Rudolph isn't like the rest of the deer, he not only shuns him, but tells all the kids to avoid him like the plague, saying in his best Eddie G. Robinson, "We won't let Rudolph play in any more reindeer games...right? Right!"

After seeing this sickening display, I won't be going to the North Pole any time soon. I mean, if Santa sees that I'm balding a little, he might never bring me presents again. And who knows what the hell Comet would do. Time to turn that guy into beef jerky.

Merry Christmas!

RoadRage

Poor Oil Industry...Will it Ever Survive? Gimme a Break!

For the first time in three years, gas prices are where they should be -- below $2 a gallon -- and hopefully falling further.

But, for some reason, analysts and reporters are bemoaning this as a bad thing for the economy. In this article, which ran in today's Wall Street Journal, writer Ann Davis (not Alice from the Brady Bunch) writes a great, thought-provoking story on the fall in oil and gas prices and its impact on the oil industry -- but I feel it is a little short-sighted.

Here's the paragraph that caught my attention -- speaking of the negative impact of falling oil prices: "Energy-driven economies - in areas from Texas and Alaska to Venezuela and Russia - can face huge busts, with job losses affecting employment for engineers and roughnecks on rigs as well as the accountants, hotels and restaurants that support them."

I'm guessing this is true, but how can the fortunes of one industry outweigh all of the industries and segments of the economy that were negatively impacted by oil's meteoric price rise since 2005?

Over the past three years, our economy has gone in the toilet, and I think the high cost of oil has a lot to do with that. Here are just a few ways our whole country has been hampered:

• The cost of diesel fuel skyrocketed. This has led to thousands of truckers losing their jobs, and has forced those who own their own rigs to park them the past 18 months because it costs them more to ship their cargo than they receive for making the shipment.
  
• The high cost of shipping has raised prices for all manufactured products and food across the country because it costs more to ship it -- taking discretionary money out of the pockets of consumers.
  
• Prices for dairy, meat have increased dramatically because instead of feeding livestock with corn, it is being used to develop ethanol gas.
  
• With people paying more than three times what they are used to for gas and heating oil, consumers' discretionary money again decreased substantially, and what is more, money for necessities (like buying groceries and paying car payments and mortgages) have been hit hard. The balloon mortgages are mostly to blame for the housing crisis, but I'm guessing the high cost of energy has a hand in that as well.
  
• With gasoline prices so high, nobody is buying boats right now, in fact, sales have dropped almost 70 percent the last two years, causing major layoffs in the boating industry.
  
• And, don't forget the auto makers, who are now asking for a $34 billion bailout from the government, who haven't been able to move minivans and SUVs for two years -- again causing major layoffs across the industry, leading to the closure of hundreds of auto dealerships (i.e. the loss of even more jobs) and almost total bankruptcy.

So, forgive me if I don't shed a tear for the oil industry due to the low cost of gas right now. I'm quite enjoying paying around $27 to fill the tank on my Grand Caravan, instead of the $65 I was paying in July.

Companies in the oil and energy industries were making tons of money before 2005, and they will continue to. And, now, maybe the rest of the country can start to climb back from the brink.

Besides, can't these oil bastards live off the billions of dollars they have basically stolen from the American public the last three years, and help the organizations that have helped them rake in this record amount of money?

Exxon and other oil companies reported record earnings results the past year -- and not personal organizational records -- the highest profit ever drawn by any organization in the history of the world. It's time for them to take a hit, and I, for one, say that it's much deserved and long overdue.

RoadRage

Finally ... the Juice is Squeezed

After 14 years of undeserved freedom, O.J. Simpson is finally going to jail.

In October 1995, he miraculously escaped a prison term when an inept jury found him not guilty of murdering his wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ronald Goldman on August 12, 1994.

The doofus couldn't stay out of trouble, and will now serve a minimum of nine years in prison for an armed robbery he committed in Las Vegas last year, when he claimed he was trying to get back items that were stolen from him. Surprise, surprise, the jury decided that he was lying.

I'm hoping he serves the full sentence of 33 years, but I doubt that will happen.

This news makes RoadRage a little happier than he usually is, and speaking for Nelson Muntz, I'd like to say -- Ha Ha!!! Now, if only we can tag on two life sentences to that term, justice would have been served.

O.J. Simpson, you suck! Enjoy your time in the slammer!

RoadRage

See Ya Maddog...

The news came out today that Greg Maddux will announce his retirement from baseball. This is a sad day for RoadRage.

Maddux, nicknamed Maddog, was one of the few true professionals of our generation -- not tainted, or even distantly connected to anything having to do with steroids. He won 355 games over 23 seasons, pitched every fifth day, and was a consummate professional.

He also pitched the best game I ever saw in person, when he beat the Dodgers' Orel Hershiser 1-0 in a game at Wrigley in 1989. Gary Varsho hit a triple off Hershiser for the only run, and the game ended in an hour and 51 minutes. A true pitchers' duel that I'll never forget.

So what sucks about this? The Cubs of course. Larry Himes and Jim Hendry -- the two moronic Cubs general managers who let this sure first-ballot Hall of Famer get out of Chicago. Only the Cubs can let the best pitcher in two generations get away twice.

So, Larry Himes and Jim Hendry, you suck!

And, Maddog, thanks for the memories. We'll see you in Cooperstown in 2013.

RoadRage