Pardon Me, I'm Dropping a Deuce, Moron!

Watching the Cubs take a dump in the 2008 playoffs reminds me of the one time that I actually ventured into a bathroom at Wrigley Field.

As mentioned in earlier posts, RoadRage doesn't like doing his business in public bathrooms, since they are usually disgusting and this isn't something I consider a communal activity.

Now, think of the worst bathroom you have ever been in and multiply that by 100, and you have a Wrigley Field bathroom. Rather than using individual urinals, men are herded like race horses to piss in a trough -- third world accommodations in a five-star ballpark. Luckily, I found what I thought to be a diamond in the rough -- a smaller bathroom inside a restaurant just inside Gate N.

I had to use the one stall in the small bathroom because I had to drop a deuce. This bathroom was much like others, so the stall door was a foot higher than the floor -- an ingenious innovation that allows would-be deuce droppers to determine whether anyone is inside the stall.

Unfortunately for RoadRage, the stall door was broken and couldn't be locked, and the one guy who never saw a stall door in his life happened upon that bathroom at just the most inopportune time. I was mid-wipe, and this jack ass just barrels into the stall. I yelled, "Get the @!&# out of here, dickhead!" Then when I came out, he apologized. Gee, thanks. Saying sorry that I saw you wipe your ass -- doesn't really make me feel better.

It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life -- other guys seeing me go to the bathroom is one of the main reasons I hate going in public bathrooms, so of course this would happen to me.

The problem is it could have all been avoided if this imbecile simply looked under the stall door to see if the bathroom was already occupied. It was just laziness and inconsideration--two of the top reasons why people suck.

Next time you have to go in public, please take a couple of seconds to determine if someone's inside the stall. You'll be doing both the person inside the stall and yourself a favor.

RoadRage