RoadRage's Problem is He's too Nice!

Last week, I had a meeting in Chicago. Having worked there for five years earlier in my life, I know how to make my way around town without getting duped by street hustlers. Well, at least I thought I did.

I was coming out of a parking garage on Ohio, when a guy with a brush and rag approached me. Ordinarily, I'd just keep walking, blowing the guy off. But, it's the holidays, so I slowed down to pull out what change I had in my pocket -- about $1.25.

That's when the guy started brushing my feet, and then pulled out his rag. I figured I'd let him finish, and then pay him what I thought was a good wage for a shoe shine that never actually included polish -- about $5.

After the guy was done he told me it was $8/shoe, plus tip. Rather than arguing with the guy and facing the possibility of getting knifed, I figured I'd pay the guy and get out of there.

I was kicking myself the rest of the day, thinking I just should have never slowed down, because then it never would have happened. And then it hit me -- I'm just too damn nice to people.

Look at the things that I complain about on this site -- people cutting me off while driving, poor customer service, morons invading my space while swimming. They all come down to one thing -- I'm just too nice to complain, and I don't want to be a jerk to other people.

But from now on, I'm not going to give a rat's ass. I'm done worrying about other people's feelings, and whether I am upsetting them. Nobody else seems to care, so why should I?

So, now when RoadRage goes driving, I'll earn my moniker, by cutting people off, running people off the road, and going 30 in a 50, just because I want to piss the people off behind me.

At the grocery store checkout, I'll ask the cashier to do a price check when I buy a 4-pound bag of oranges and it comes up at $3.58 instead of $3.57, just so the ten people in line behind me will have to wait a bit longer.

When I'm at church next, rather than sitting in an empty pew with my family, I'll ask the family in the row behind me to make room for us.

With 2009 coming up, I'm just announcing my resolution a little early -- and that is to be a dick to everyone. I just want to fit in with the rest of you.

RoadRage

Adios, HotShots

This is probably a little mean, even for me, but the other day I noticed that the HotShots "restaurant" near our office finally closed down. All I can say is good riddance. I know RoadRage liked them because they served RC fountain drinks, but other than that there wasn't a whole lot to recommend them.

This was a burger and hot dog place where the food was sub-par and the service was horrendous. Now, normally when you go to a place like that and order a hot dog you expect it to be ready in a minute or two. Maybe five minutes if it's really busy and there's a line out the door (a problem HotShots never had). But at HotShots, you pretty much had to grab a seat because it could take 10 to 15 minutes to get your hot dog and fries to you. I'm not exaggerating, either. What could possibly take 10 minutes to make a hot dog? You slap a dog in a bun, throw some mustard and veggies on it, and serve it up. But not there. All I can figure is they were too busy making crack in the back to be bothered with something as mundane as a hot dog.

Worse yet, when you'd finally get the hot dog it wasn't the greatest hot dog you'd ever eaten, thereby making it worth the wait. Instead, it was more like the 'dog you mom would boil, pull off the stove and stick in a cheap house brand bun.

No matter what you'd order it was the same result. I tried ordering the chicken once, figuring it would be the fastest. I mean, the chicken should already be ready, so it's just a matter of transferring it to a plate, right? No way. My compatriates were already eating their burgers and other sandwiches while I still waited for what I can only presume was for the egg to hatch and the chicken to be forceable matured on the spot.

Now, understand that all of this lousy service occurred when the only people in the place was me and 3-5 other people. Seriously! And it's not like there was a big walk-in trade either. When it comes to food I am not a patient man, and the last thing I want to do on my lunch hour is sit around waiting forever for my lunch to be made up so I can pick it up at the counter.

It was a shame. The place was within walking distance of my office. It could've been the greatest place ever, had it been any good at all. Instead, it was just a horrible experience the few times I went there.

So adios HotShots! While I feel bad for any small business that closes, I don't in this case. You sucked, and you got what you deserved.

Stupid, Lousy, No-Good, Dirt-bag Senate Bastards

So, let me get this straight. The Senate said they would not support the auto industry bailout because they want the United Auto Workers to agree to a pay cut?

I guess that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Why should we help the auto industry to pay employees the money they deserve for actually doing their jobs when their bosses can't do it themselves? I think the American taxpayers' money is much better spent helping to pay multi-million dollar bonuses (or bonii as Mr. Burns would say) to bank executives whose "great leadership" translated in to millions of dollars in losses for their organizations.

On the surface, you probably think that sounds like an asinine comment, and you'd be right. But, that's exactly what the Senate is saying by approving the $700 billion bailout for the banking industry and rejecting the auto industry's bailout request for $34 billion.

Now, RoadRage doesn't like giving handouts to anyone, but I think that the auto industry deserves a little helping hand right now. While it may not be the "backbone' of the country's economy any more, the auto industry plays a tremendous role and employs hundreds of thousands of people across the U.S. -- add in the people employed by service providers and other industries in business due to the auto industry, and that number is in the millions.

If the auto industry fails, millions of jobs would be in jeopardy, and the billions of dollars these people would pour back into the economy would be lost, leading to even harder times for the nation.

So, Senate leaders, I implore you to take your collective head out of your collective ass, and get this passed, so that we can save the "Big Three" before they fail and bring the country's economy even further down into a black hole.

Personally, I much rather help save auto manufacturers than the banking industry. Why? Because, the ineptness that is prevalent in the auto industry can be corrected -- this money can actually do some good for the ailing auto manufacturers, and I think they can turn their fortunes around.

And, while you can help ineptness, you can't cure greed. By throwing money at the banking industry, were just putting money into the hands of executives who are more interested in their own welfare than how the banks are going to help the nation's economy (the reason they were given the money in the first place). Banking executives have proven their greed by seeking exorbitant bonuses for themselves and spending hundreds of thousands on parties to celebrate the bailout approval.

But, more importantly... why haven't banks started giving out more business loans and personal loans to help jump-start the economy? What are they doing with the money they have already received, besides pocketing it for themselves?

It's all bull shit, and the Senate needs to take a look at that right after they approve the auto industry bailout.

But, right now, I say the U.S. Senate sucks!

RoadRage

What the drive-through window is for

Hey all you morons out there who don't get it. Let me explain to you how the drive-through window at a fast food restaurant is supposed to work. You pull up to the microphone where you place your order, which is something off the standard menu. You then pull up, hand the Hispanic person at the window your money, they mumble something unintelligible back to you, hand you your food, and you drive away. The whole encounter should take about a minute to a minute and a half. A lot of them even have little timers to make sure of it.

So why do some of you still go through the drivethrough like you've just gotten a table at Wolfgang Puck's? Let me give you some hints on proper etiquette.

The time to start figuring out what you want to eat is not when you pull up to the microphone. That decision should be made already. If you are such a moron that you just can't do it, they have giant pictures of the food right in front of your face. You don't even have to be able to read the language. Just say you want a "number one," or a "number one with cheese." Don't start looking around on the value menu putting together your own order. Make it easy, make it fast. Get a combo and move on. And no special ordering either. I don't care what Burger King says. Have it the way it's designed or don't go through the drive-through.

The microphone is also not the place to start asking your little rugrats in the back of the van what they want. They have no clue. Get them chicken nuggets or a burger. Sure, that's probably how RoadRage ended up food-challenged, but so what? He seems to be doing ok. Kids don't need choices, they need boundaries. You should know what your kids like. Order it and move up.

If you absolutely can't make a decision that quickly, the drive-through window is not for you. Park your gas-guzzling vehicle (straddling two lines) and walk your fat ass into the restaurant proper, where you can stand like one of those Depression-era people in the soup line until you figure out what the hell you (or your brats) want to eat. Then you're not holding up the rest of us.

Once you place your order, pull the hell up to the window so the next person in line can order. Don't fish for your purse or wallet. Don't take this moment to explain to the kids that the food will be here soon. Don't start taking up a collection from your buddies to pay for the impending feast. Don't take this opportunity to give the interior of your car a 14-point inspection. Just pull up to the window where you pay and get the money out then. Nothing bigger than a $20, either.

When you do get your food, it's ok to take a moment to check your bag to make sure the bottom feeders inside gave you everything you ordered. But you're not running the checklist before launching the Space Shuttle. Look in the bag, count up what's there, and if it's all there pull out. You don't need to put everything back exactly where it was. You don't need to check if it's the proper temperature, or if all the fries were distributed evenly. Throw the bag on the seat next to you and pull out so the next person (me) can get his food and move on too.

Keep in mind you're not going for a gourmet meal. You're there because you're either in a hurry or too lazy to walk the 15 steps into the restaurant. It's called fast food for a reason. There's already one lie in that phrase. Don't be the reason there are two lies in it.

How Much Bigotry Does One Reindeer Have to Deal With?

I just watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on CBS this week, and I was wondering if Rudolph has any real friends.

It seems to me that everyone he encounters, except for Comet's daughter Clarice and his friend Hermey, is a complete bigot. And, the biggest Archie Bunker of them all is the fatman himself, Santa.

St. Nick just can't find it in his heart to forgive young Rudolph for being born with a birth defect. Upon their first meeting, when Rudolph is fresh out of his mother's womb, Santa tells father Donner that he has to do something about Rudolph and that nose of his.

Later, Rudolph shows off his flying skills, demonstrating that he was better than any of the other young bucks who were at the trials -- those same bucks that would not allow him to play in any of their reindeer games. Santa was quite impressed with the lad, until Rudolph's faux black nose fell off to reveal the awful truth that he had a glowing red nose. Santa's response? "What a shame, and he has such a good takeoff, too!" So, just because he's different, there was no way in hell that Santa was going to give him an opportunity to lead his sleigh. And, to literally add insult to injury, Santa tells Donner he should be ashamed of himself! For what? having a son with a deformity? Before seeing this show, I would have thought Santa was Pro-Life, but I guess not now.

Santa finally changes his tune when he realizes Rudolph can actually help him. And right before he asks him to guide his sleigh, Santa is still putting him down, asking him to "tone down" his nose.

Then you have Clarice's father, Comet. The guy is pure evil. When he finds out Rudolph isn't like the rest of the deer, he not only shuns him, but tells all the kids to avoid him like the plague, saying in his best Eddie G. Robinson, "We won't let Rudolph play in any more reindeer games...right? Right!"

After seeing this sickening display, I won't be going to the North Pole any time soon. I mean, if Santa sees that I'm balding a little, he might never bring me presents again. And who knows what the hell Comet would do. Time to turn that guy into beef jerky.

Merry Christmas!

RoadRage

Poor Oil Industry...Will it Ever Survive? Gimme a Break!

For the first time in three years, gas prices are where they should be -- below $2 a gallon -- and hopefully falling further.

But, for some reason, analysts and reporters are bemoaning this as a bad thing for the economy. In this article, which ran in today's Wall Street Journal, writer Ann Davis (not Alice from the Brady Bunch) writes a great, thought-provoking story on the fall in oil and gas prices and its impact on the oil industry -- but I feel it is a little short-sighted.

Here's the paragraph that caught my attention -- speaking of the negative impact of falling oil prices: "Energy-driven economies - in areas from Texas and Alaska to Venezuela and Russia - can face huge busts, with job losses affecting employment for engineers and roughnecks on rigs as well as the accountants, hotels and restaurants that support them."

I'm guessing this is true, but how can the fortunes of one industry outweigh all of the industries and segments of the economy that were negatively impacted by oil's meteoric price rise since 2005?

Over the past three years, our economy has gone in the toilet, and I think the high cost of oil has a lot to do with that. Here are just a few ways our whole country has been hampered:

• The cost of diesel fuel skyrocketed. This has led to thousands of truckers losing their jobs, and has forced those who own their own rigs to park them the past 18 months because it costs them more to ship their cargo than they receive for making the shipment.
  
• The high cost of shipping has raised prices for all manufactured products and food across the country because it costs more to ship it -- taking discretionary money out of the pockets of consumers.
  
• Prices for dairy, meat have increased dramatically because instead of feeding livestock with corn, it is being used to develop ethanol gas.
  
• With people paying more than three times what they are used to for gas and heating oil, consumers' discretionary money again decreased substantially, and what is more, money for necessities (like buying groceries and paying car payments and mortgages) have been hit hard. The balloon mortgages are mostly to blame for the housing crisis, but I'm guessing the high cost of energy has a hand in that as well.
  
• With gasoline prices so high, nobody is buying boats right now, in fact, sales have dropped almost 70 percent the last two years, causing major layoffs in the boating industry.
  
• And, don't forget the auto makers, who are now asking for a $34 billion bailout from the government, who haven't been able to move minivans and SUVs for two years -- again causing major layoffs across the industry, leading to the closure of hundreds of auto dealerships (i.e. the loss of even more jobs) and almost total bankruptcy.

So, forgive me if I don't shed a tear for the oil industry due to the low cost of gas right now. I'm quite enjoying paying around $27 to fill the tank on my Grand Caravan, instead of the $65 I was paying in July.

Companies in the oil and energy industries were making tons of money before 2005, and they will continue to. And, now, maybe the rest of the country can start to climb back from the brink.

Besides, can't these oil bastards live off the billions of dollars they have basically stolen from the American public the last three years, and help the organizations that have helped them rake in this record amount of money?

Exxon and other oil companies reported record earnings results the past year -- and not personal organizational records -- the highest profit ever drawn by any organization in the history of the world. It's time for them to take a hit, and I, for one, say that it's much deserved and long overdue.

RoadRage

Finally ... the Juice is Squeezed

After 14 years of undeserved freedom, O.J. Simpson is finally going to jail.

In October 1995, he miraculously escaped a prison term when an inept jury found him not guilty of murdering his wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ronald Goldman on August 12, 1994.

The doofus couldn't stay out of trouble, and will now serve a minimum of nine years in prison for an armed robbery he committed in Las Vegas last year, when he claimed he was trying to get back items that were stolen from him. Surprise, surprise, the jury decided that he was lying.

I'm hoping he serves the full sentence of 33 years, but I doubt that will happen.

This news makes RoadRage a little happier than he usually is, and speaking for Nelson Muntz, I'd like to say -- Ha Ha!!! Now, if only we can tag on two life sentences to that term, justice would have been served.

O.J. Simpson, you suck! Enjoy your time in the slammer!

RoadRage

See Ya Maddog...

The news came out today that Greg Maddux will announce his retirement from baseball. This is a sad day for RoadRage.

Maddux, nicknamed Maddog, was one of the few true professionals of our generation -- not tainted, or even distantly connected to anything having to do with steroids. He won 355 games over 23 seasons, pitched every fifth day, and was a consummate professional.

He also pitched the best game I ever saw in person, when he beat the Dodgers' Orel Hershiser 1-0 in a game at Wrigley in 1989. Gary Varsho hit a triple off Hershiser for the only run, and the game ended in an hour and 51 minutes. A true pitchers' duel that I'll never forget.

So what sucks about this? The Cubs of course. Larry Himes and Jim Hendry -- the two moronic Cubs general managers who let this sure first-ballot Hall of Famer get out of Chicago. Only the Cubs can let the best pitcher in two generations get away twice.

So, Larry Himes and Jim Hendry, you suck!

And, Maddog, thanks for the memories. We'll see you in Cooperstown in 2013.

RoadRage

Stow that finger, asshole

While this would seem more to be in RoadRage's area of expertise, I have to share a morning commute story.

I was driving down Route 45 in Mundelein, following the usual lollygagging morons, so I decided to change lanes. I checked my mirrors and checked my blind spot, and all was clear so I turned on my directional and started moving over. As I did, some guy in a Saturn Outlook put the pedal to the metal to try and prevent me from coming into his lane. I remember thinking "WTF?" as I saw him speed up on me. I looked into the rear view mirror to see if I was about to get rear ended, and the guy actually flipped me off (that's oldspeak for flicked me off, for you youngsters).

I couldn't believe it! First of all, the guy was nowhere near when I started, so if anyone was at fault it was him. I didn't cut him off; he came up on me. More importantly though, any guy driving A) a Saturn and B) one of those vehicles that can't decide whether it's a car, a minivan, or an SUV needs to rethink the use of his middle finger. Generally speaking, any guy driving a car like that is probably a pussy. I'm not the toughest guy in the world, but I ain't small. From the looks of him, I probably could've extricated him from his car through the driver side window, helping him relive the birth experience, before causing him to soil his pants.

Dude, you were in the wrong. Don't compound your troubles by taking on battles you can't win. Take a chill pill and give thanks for all you have. It's only a traffic lane, after all. You suck. You're just lucky I don't.

It's That Time of Year ... When Part-Time Church Goers Bug the Hell out of Me

For those of you reading who are Catholic, you know that Advent starts this week. It's the four-week period before Christmas that the church uses to prepare for the birth of Christ.

As the Church prepares, so does its parishioners, who decide that after neglecting the Church for most of the year that they'll grace the house of God with their presence, lest they burn in eternal damnation. So, they start trickling in this week, and then by Christmas day, the Church, which usually welcomes around 300 people per mass, is busting at the seams with more than double that.

This puts a terrible strain on RoadRage. All year I work to keep the Sabbath, as the Good Book tells me to do. While I'm there I usually sit in my personal favorite spot, I have room to move around, and I'm not forced to commiserate with my fellow Christians in tight quarters.

But, Christmas reminds these part-time Christians that they haven't paid their respects to their maker for sometime, and that this is the perfect time to do it -- kind of a birthday present for Jesus.

That's all fine and good, and I'm sure the Church enjoys getting the extra revenue in their coffers to help them stay in business, but for people like me, it's a pain in the ass.

First off, trying to find parking becomes hell on earth. Then, during mass, the seat that I was in for the previous 48 weeks, suddenly is gone, or the pew that I am in is so packed with you heathens, that I don't even want to sit there -- so I'm forced to sit farther back.

Then, as the mass goes on, I'm forced to hold hands with people during the Our Father, when in weeks past, there was so much space between me and the next person that it didn't seem like I was blowing the person off closest to me when I didn't participate.

This year, as a little holiday gift to RoadRage, why don't you part-timers treat mass like a health club membership -- send in your check, and just stay away. The Church will be happy to get the money, you'll be happy to not have to give up a whole hour of your time each Sunday and, most importantly, RoadRage will be happy not to have to look at you all the next four weeks.

But, I'm guessing I'll have to see you through Christmas and again at Easter.

Merry Christmas, losers!

RoadRage

GameStop: The Coffee Shop for Nerds

Sorry for the short break between posts. I guess with it being Christmas season, that the rage is subsiding in RoadRage, and he's learning to enjoy the idiosyncrasies of his fellow man -- that he's starting to appreciate why people use their shopping cart to block the path of other shoppers trying to make their way around a store; that he enjoys going 30 miles an hour in a 55-mph zone thank to an 18-year-old who is more interested in using her smart phone than watching the road ahead.

Yeah, right. I still can't stand a single one of you.

My latest run-in with one of you nitwits was yesterday during my first day of vacation. Mrs. RoadRage and I went out to get some early Christmas shopping done.

I went to checkout video games, and what to my wondering eyes should be in the store? A man in his thirties debating the cultural significance of Grand Theft Auto IV.

Now, I admit that I am a big fan of video games -- mainly sports games like Madden, NHL and MLB: The Show. And, I enjoy going to video game stores; taking my son and/or daughter to pick out games for themselves.

But, I think I'm going to have to start shopping for games online, if the trend I've witnessed lately picks up steam. It's as if today's video game store is now a coffee shop for geeks and nerds. (Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds would be pissed.) Every time you go into GameStop or EB Games, you are sure to find that there's usually one or two customers holding court with the store clerks, critiquing every game they have ever played, and going into great detail about how Zelda: Twilight Princess has changed their life.

It's bad enough that you have to put up with their mind-numbingly inane conversation, but what's worse is that none of the store employees break away to help you find the game you want to buy. And, to top it all off, it makes regular folk like RoadRage feel like complete doofuses for still liking video games.

So, rather than wait a half hour for the conversation to evolve to a conclusion, or butt in and face the possibility of the group trying to draw me in to their confab, I decided to leave and do my shopping on www.gamestop.com. Online shopping doesn't have the immediacy of the brick and mortar stores, but at least I don't have to lose my dignity buying Smurf Racer.

RoadRage

Time for a Cyber Cigarette

This falls under the category of, "Now I've heard everything."

An English couple are getting a divorce because the husband had an extra-marital affair. Well, if the story ended there it would make sense. But, turns out hubby was having sex with another woman online in the virtual community Second Life.

Amy Taylor walked in on her husband, whose avatar (a computer-generated graphic that represents the person controlling it) having sex with a female avatar from the United States. The husband, David Pollard, and this other woman had never met in real life, because apparently this guy has never done anything outside of his virtual world. In fact, this story made news because Amy and David's wedding was held in Second Life back in 2005.

At first, I thought Amy was an idiot for seeking a divorce based on her husband having cyber sex and not a real affair, but now that I have thought about it more, I think this guy's a complete whack job and doesn't deserve a wife.

Now, I enjoy the Internet as much as the next person, but I'm not going to whip out my cyber wang and go strutting my stuff in Second Life, or any other virtual world for that matter.

As I read this story and continued thinking about it, I couldn't comprehend why anyone would hold their marriage in the virtual world, or why anyone would go through the trouble of creating an avatar and figuring out how to copulate with someone else online.

And then it hit me...it's the basis of this whole blog. People suck! That's the only way to explain it. Instead of spending time on Second Life, people like this need to get a First Life -- go outside, and start interacting with the world.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play NHL 09 on my PS3 for the next six hours.

RoadRage

So Long, Kerry Wood -- You'll be Missed

The Cubs are testing my allegiance again, with news breaking today that they are not going to bring back my favorite Cub -- Kerry Wood -- back next year.

This is why the Cubs will not win a championship any time soon. Instead of showing a shred of loyalty to guys that put the team before themselves, they treat them like yesterday's trash.

For 11 seasons, Wood gave every thing he had to the Cubs and the city of Chicago -- and not just on the ball field. Wood and his wife were very active with charitable work, and he annually hosted a bowling tournament to raise money for various charities.

A lot of the time during Wood's time here, he was on the disabled list -- and most of the time, it was because he tried to come back to the team sooner than he should have. That's the way he plays the game -- it's not just about him, it's about his teammates and the fact that he doesn't want to let them down.

But, why you would you want to keep a guy like that on the team? Instead, why don't we keep it filled with the guys who think it's more important to hit home runs than to play for the other 23 guys who play with them every day. Let's keep guys like Alfonso Soriano on the team, so that if we make the playoffs again we can have everyone hitting for the fences instead of bunting guys over, and refuse to hit lower in the lineup, so that a speedy, slap hitter can lead things off.

And, let's hold on to pitchers like Zambrano who show up their teammates if they make an error, and start lobbing fat fastballs over the plate if an umpire makes a bad call against him, or if he doesn't get a hit the inning before.

Again, this is why the Cubs can't win. Guys like Kerry Wood make the game better, and they make the players around them better. Now, we don't have any players like that, which isn't a surprise, there's not that many of them around.

Good luck to you Kerry. You're a great ball player and a great guy. Thanks for everything you have done for the Cubs and for Chicago.

Cubs management, you suck!

RoadRage

No, You Have a Magical Frickin' Day!

Aluh-kazoola, zippity-doola, bippity-boppity-boo! Put 'em together and what do you got? Hell on earth!

Orlando and Disney, aka the "Happiest Place on Earth," is not the right place for a person of RoadRage's disposition. I just returned to my stomping grounds and couldn't be happier.

I had a quick trip to Orlando for a conference I was attending. It was held at a resort on Disney's property, and the moment I stepped off the plane my trip sucked.

It took me an hour to get my luggage and find my transportation to the conference.

First, I was thinking of taking a cab -- but that would have cost me $70. Next option: the Magical Disney Express -- a free bus ride from the airport to Disney. Great! Except you have a two-and-a-half hour wait to get on one. So, I go with the last-ditch option -- the $20 shuttle. The shuttle was fine, but of course, my hotel is the last one on the route -- five stops before hand meant I reached my final stop 2.5 hours after my flight arrived. Good times!

After that, I had to go do some work, and when I came back to my room, I thought I would try to do some more. But, no such luck -- the resort had no wireless access. That makes sense...Epcot Center, home of Future World, is on the same grounds as a resort stuck in 2002.

Then to end the night, I wanted to order a late dinner. I called down to room service at 8:50 and was on hold until 9:10.

Zippidy-doo-dah, zippity yay! How I love wasting my en-tire day!

The next day was filled with work, so Disney couldn't make my day suck -- that is until dinner.

I tried finding a good place to eat, so I did what most hotel guests do -- I went to the concierge. I asked for a good place to eat and was promptly told that everything was booked if I didn't have a reservation. Thanks for the help, chief. Much appreciated. Glad you know how to do your job.

I took a magical 45-minute bus ride to Downtown Disney and found a place with ample seating, and finally had a good time at Disney.

So, of the 48 hours I had at Disney, I had one hour of good times. Thanks for the magical week Disney -- you suck!

RoadRage

Thumbs Down to the Latest School Recital

Any parents reading this post know the dread of attending their kids' music recital.

Of course, seeing your own children performing is enjoyable, but having to put up with everything else that goes on at a school-organized music recital is like living through hell on earth.

Aside from watching your one or two kids perform, you have to put up with about 300 other kids -- most of which who don't want to be there and just look miserable. My son took the easy way out last night, faking illness so he didn't have to go on stage. I feigned anger, but in reality, that let me leave an hour earlier, so I was proud of the boy.

And, I can put up with the kids who don't want to be there, but what is really gut-wrenching at these events is having to sit through watching a music teacher who enjoys taking the limelight away from the children.

Here's the set up: Each class has a handful of kids read a silly rhyme in front of the parents to introduce the upcoming song. But, instead of letting the kids do the honors, sometimes the music teacher takes the mic and starts doing the lines herself -- babbling about like a six-year-old.

When the kids say the lines, even though it's inane text, at least they can make it cute. But, when a 50+ woman does it and talks like a kid it makes you wish it was the Gong Show, so that you can hit the gong and end the program right there. But, with no gongs to be had, your stuck there, listening and watching something that totally sucks.

Well, at least there's one good thing. With the lack of funding our schools have, at least I only have to put up with it once a year.

RoadRage

Quit the Election Hyperbole!

You know, I have been hearing a lot lately that this is the most important presidential election in U.S. history.

Now, when have I heard that hyperbole before? Hmmmmm...... Oh yeah, it was in 2004, 2000, 1996, 1992, etc...

Why does everyone say that the current election they are voting in is the most important election ever? It's just not the case.

Can anyone seriously say that the Obama-McCain race is the most important election in U.S. history? Give me a break.

For those of you who follow U.S. history, you may remember a few more races that were more important. Like 1976, when Jimmy Carter ran against Gerald Ford (succeeding Nixon); 1940, Wendell Wilkie against Franklin Roosevelt (WWII); 1932, Herbert Hoover against Roosevelt (Great Depression) -- to name a few.

But, to me, there was never a more important presidential election than the race in 1864, when Abraham Lincoln ran on the Republican ticket against the Democrat's George B. McClellan.

For those of you who know nothing about history , this election was held during the Civil War. If McClellan won, he promised to end the war and seek peace with the Confederate states. The election of Lincoln showed that the country still supported Lincoln's plan to finish the war in order to preserve the Union.

Yeah, that seems a little more important than this year's election. So, when you are talking about today's vote and want to call it the most important election ever -- just remember that the U.S. became a country in 1776, not 1976, dumbass!

RoadRage

Doing My Job -- Voting for Forest Preserve Funding!

Since I am a resident of Illinois, and voters in the state have apparently turned out in record numbers, my vote today was basically rendered useless.

Barack Obama won the state, as expected, and one of my political heroes, Dick Durbin, easily won back his Senate seat.

Both of these races were landslides, so if I didn't vote, it wouldn't have mattered. So, basically, the only thing it was important for me to vote on today was to provide funding to preserve more forest space in Lake County.

Boy, am I glad I did my duty today and voted. Because of me, chipmunks, squirrels, raccoons and deer might have more space to call home. Phew ... that was a close one. If I didn't vote today all hell would have broken loose.

Why can't I be in an important state, like Ohio or Florida, so my vote actually makes a difference? Oh well...nothing really sucks here, I'm just complaining because I have the right to, since I voted today.

Now, I'm going to go watch the results to see who dethrones President Bush.

RoadRage

GM Employees Give Toys for Tots the Royal Screw Job

So much for the selfless act. Apparently that term doesn't hold too much weight with the employees of General Motors.

The USA Today reported today that GM employees are going to cancel an annual bake sale they hold to help raise money for Toys for Tots. Organized by the U.S. Marines, the charitable organization helps make Christmas enjoyable for less fortunate kids by providing them with toys their parents or care takers can't afford.

The reason these employees are canceling Christmas for some of these kids? Because in an effort to remain solvent, GM told its employees that it will not be able to pay them when they leave the assembly line to work the bake sale.

I don't blame GM at all for this. They are bleeding money and have been for years. If they don't shore things up over there, one of the historically great American businesses is going to cease to exist--they have to save money any way they can.

Who I'm really pissed at are the employees. So, you don't get paid for doing charitable work. Boo-frickin-hoo, you cheap bastards. That's why it's called charity, and volunteering -- you're giving of yourself to make things better for someone less fortunate than you. You shouldn't be paid while you're working the bake sale -- and if you are, you should donate that money to charity.

If all the employees work shifts, and take off work one hour at a time, they can make it work. They can do it over lunch, and if they can't do that, the $20-$30 in wages they would have to give up to work the bake sale is being given up for a great cause.

Oh well, maybe when things turn around in 2010, and GM can afford to pay their staff for their charitable efforts, then they can start holding the bake sale again.

In the meantime, if you feel like being more generous than these Scrooges, you can go here to donate to Toys for Tots online.

RoadRage

How George Bush Saved the Country

Unlike Judge Smails, who has been strangely silent recently, I don't think that everything a Republican does is terrible and evil. I try to find the good in people, despite my preponderance to rip on everyone.

And, after months of thinking about it and reading news stories about President George Bush, I finally found something he did right. He made Daylight Savings Time about six weeks longer.

Think about it -- we now have the whole month of October to get home and do something outside before it gets too dark, and the same thing now happens in March, instead of having to wait until April.

I'm serious about this -- I heartily agree with President Bush and how he supported this move and helped it become a reality. I hate those days when you go to work and it's dark outside when you arrive, and dark outside when you leave for home. Now, that only happens from mid-November until March.

So, a quick thanks to President Bush for this great move. Too bad the other 138,000 decisions you made sucked.
*****************

Time for a quick People Suck Public Service Announcement: Get out and vote next Tuesday! If you don't, you won't have the right to bitch, like I do.

RoadRage

No, Bud Selig Didn't Cause the Financial Crisis

Did you hear the stock market has gone down roughly 5,000 points over the last two months? Well, it must be Bud Selig's fault. That's right, it must be the commissioner of baseball, because apparently everything he does is wrong.

For any baseball fans reading this blog, you are familiar with Bud Selig. He has been the commissioner of baseball since 1992, and he has done a lot of good for the game -- unfortunately every time something goes wrong -- make that ANYTHING -- baseball fans blame Bud.

Rain starts in Philadelphia, and the World Series game last night wasn't called soon enough -- Bud gets blamed, and not the umpires, who have controlled that aspect of the game for 132 years now.

A hurricane hits Houston, and it's Bud's fault that the games have to be moved to Milwaukee -- not the Houston owner who waited too long to agree to the move.

Baseball stars started doing steroids, and it's Bud's fault, not the players who took the drugs.

In reality, Bud's done a lot of good for the game. He helped introduce interleague play, pitting National League teams against American League teams during the regular season, which has brought a lot of interest to baseball.

He also made the MLB All-Star Game worth watching again, by establishing a rule that whichever league wins the game gets home field advantage in the World Series.

Purists have complained about these moves, but they have both done a tremendous amount for the game -- interleague play has attracted tons of fans, creating new rivalries, which are the biggest games of the season for some teams.

Meanwhile, a lot of fans complain that the All-Star Game rule shouldn't have been introduced, because it's an exhibition game. Those "fans" apparently didn't watch All-Star games before 1987. You see, in the late 1980s, players started making too much money to care whether they won or lost the game, so they basically stopped trying to win -- instead, hitters just kept trying to hit homeruns to look cool in front of the fans.

Now the game counts again --players are starting to bunt, i.e. sacrifice their at bat for the greater good of the team, and managers are actually managing -- making it the only professional all star game worth watching. Besides, before they started this, home field advantage flip flopped from American to National league each year -- totally arbitrary, and stupid.

Bud has made some missteps, like not introducing a more stringent drug policy in baseball sooner, but overall, the game's a lot better than when he started his reign as commissioner.

So, if there's an earthquake tomorrow, don't start pointing the finger at Bud.

RoadRage

More technology woes

It may not seem like it at this point, but ol' Ty is actually pretty technology-savvy. I have installed my own wireless network, maintain my own PCs, and even help others with theirs. I also get involved with management of the applications and network at my office.

So it just pisses me off when some piece of technology isn't very well thought through. I had that experience this weekend.

I was going to work on a video in Pinnacle Studio 9 Sunday when I received a message offering an upgrade to Studio 12 for just $29.95. Well, who can resist that? I mean, this one goes to 12, which is three more than 9. So I took the plunge, plunking down my hard-earned cash for the upgrade. I figured 15-20 minutes or so and I'd be on my way with all kinds of great new capabilties.

Hah! As it turns out, it takes freakin' hours to download this software. But that's not the bad part. About 3/4 of the way through, and three hours later, it stopped downloading. I received an error message saying all the resources for the buffer were used up, and that I should restart GetRight to continue the download. I have no idea what GetRight is or how to restart it. I did everything I could think of to try to get it restarted but nothing worked. (I'd had a similar stoppage once with a Garmin GPS update and it picked up right where it left off. Which is the way it should be.)

Finally, I had no other choice but to shut down and try to go again. Since I couldn't pick up where I left off, I had to search for how to start the download all over again. That took a while but I found it. Sure enough, three hours into it again the damn thing stopped. I restarted it one more time to run overnight and when I left this morning, despite another glitch, it looked like it would finish. Hopefully it does so I can start actually using the program -- after running the install, of course. This was just the download to enable the install.

This is not the first time I've run into something like this. Why can't software manufacturers actually test their downloads for quality and make sure they will run properly? The average Joe, with little experience beating software programs into submission, stands no chance against the stupidity here. Software manufacturers, here's a clue: if your software won't download in 20 minutes on any properly equipped machine, don't offer it as a download. Nobody wants to tie up their computers for hours. If you feel absolutely compelled to do it, at least warn people of the consequences -- like this download will tie up your computer for an entire day and it still might not work.

Bring Back Halloween!

Tomorrow afternoon, our city will celebrate Halloween -- that's right, on October 26. A lot of the towns around us celebrate Halloween on October 31, but not us.

Over the years, I have moved a number of times around the Chicago area, and wherever I move, All Hallows Eve is always celebrated on a day other than October 31st -- including the last time it fell on a weekend day -- Halloween was on Sunday, and trick or treating was the Sunday before.

This all started in 1982, after the Tylenol medicine scare in Chicago. It happened in late September to mid-October. Some scumbag tampered with bottles of Tylenol, lacing capsules with cyanide, and seven people died because of it. So, to make it safer for everyone, the local governments around Chicago decided that trick or treating should be held on the weekend, on a day other than Halloween -- to throw off people who wanted to give out tampered candy, I guess.

In fact, in 1982, trick or treating was cancelled, and our Halloween was spent at school, where we had bowls of candy around the gym to pick from, a costume contest and other Halloween-related activities. It was actually pretty fun, until I went to bob for apples, right behind a kid who left about a half gallon of dandruff in the drum.

After that year, we were allowed to trick or treat for three hours, usually on the Sunday before Halloween. I can see moving trick or treating for a few years after the Tylenol scare as a safety measure -- but it's now been 26 years since it happened, tampered candy has never been an issue, and most cities have moved trick or treating back to Halloween anyway.

Kids should be able to celebrate Halloween the way we used to as kids -- go out as long as they want, get stomach aches from eating too much candy, and pass out for 12 hours to recuperate. Ahhh, the good ol' days. Bring 'em back!

RoadRage

Trick or Treat ... or Stick 'em Up?

Halloween is upon us, giving RoadRage the opportunity to give out candy to a bunch of cute little kids dressed as lady bugs, Snow White and Spider-Man.

Then there are the others -- the older group of "kids" who don't have enough common sense to stop trick or treating when they are still actually children. They come to your door and you don't know whether you should give them a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, or your wallet.

Besides the fact that they are too old to be going door-to-door for free candy, they totally lack creativity. For the most part they just come to your house, and they don't even say "trick or treat" -- they just stick their bag out and await the free candy.

If they're going to try to act like kids, can't they at least get a little creative? I mean, even throwing on a Groucho Marx nose and glasses or even drawing a lightning bolt on their head to pretend to be Harry Potter would be something. Instead, you get 17-year-olds who come to your house in a t-shirt, and a jacket if it's cold out. I guess they can say they're going as lazy ass, uncreative derelicts.

So, RoadRage is proposing a new rule ... nobody over the age of 14 is allowed to trick or treat any more -- and if you get someone older coming to your house, turn the tables a bit and egg them.

RoadRage

This May Be the Suckiest World Series Ever

As fans of People Suck know, RoadRage is a huge baseball fan. In fact, I'm watching the World Series right now -- something I vowed not to do if the Tampa Bay Rays won the American League. But, I can't help it -- outside my family and complaining about people, it is my number one passion.

Although I'll probably end up watching a lot of the Series over the next week, I think this will be the suckiest Series ever.

Why? Both the Phillies and Rays are great teams, and I'm sure there will be plenty of offense and quality pitching as well. My problem with this Series is the fan base for both teams.

First, you have the Rays. They averaged around 22,000 fans this year, and that's up about 6,000 fans from last year. The Rays played great baseball all year, were in first place most of the time and every game they played meant something for their post season chances, yet they could only attract 22,000 fans a night? Contrast that with a team like the Cubs, who averaged nearly 40,000 fans in 2005 and 2006 for teams that were terrible. I'm tired of seeing fans like those who (sometimes) follow the Rays, Marlins and White Sox get rewarded with trips to the World Series.

Then, you have the Phillie fans. These guys would boo Mother Teresa if given the opportunity. They're great fans when their team is winning, but if the team is losing, their merciless -- ripping on the guys who don't deserve a uniform, and treating some of the greatest stars in the game the same way. And, this isn't a new phenomenon. I have been watching the Phillies for years, and I remember them booing Michael Jack Schmidt, after he had hit more than 500 homers and played 17 years in Philadelphia, winning two MVP awards along the way and helping bring home the city's only World Series championship (to this point). How can you boo a guy like that? On top of that, they have been known to throw batteries at opposing players (J.D. Drew), and being all-around pricks.

So, while I will probably enjoy this year's World Series, I'd like to throw out a "You Suck!" to the Phillies and Rays fans, who don't deserve the Series.

Signed,

Jaded Cubs Fan -- a.k.a. RoadRage

This Leash Demeans us Both

Can someone explain to me why a parent would invest in a child leash? I understand it's a safety measure, but how frickin lazy do you have to be to invest in one of these?

I have seen countless people using child leashes, and it's even worse when they have a dog on one leash and a child on the other -- what's that saying to the kid? To me it says that the parent considers the dog and their toddler to be on the same level.

RoadRage is all for being safe, but how far does it go? I picture these people having homes that have every piece of furniture completely covered with bubble tape, with kids and adults both enjoying drinks from sippy cups, and since they are walking around on leashes, I'm guessing that the kids would eat out of bowls placed on the kitchen floor.

Hey parents, here's a tip for you -- take a vested interest in your kids, and if you are out with them, pay attention to them, so that they don't have to be controlled with a leash and made to feel and look like domesticated animals. If you do that, you won't have to worry about your child's safety.

And then, as Homer Simpson would say, you can "let your children run wild and free. Because, as the old saying goes, 'Let you children run wild and free.'"

RoadRage

Ok, so Go Daddy isn't as bad as I thought

The good people at Go Daddy customer service must be readers of People Suck. Because right after I put up my previous post about them, suddenly they got all helpful. Maybe it's just coincidence, but I like to think it's power to the people.

In any case, I finally received a non-generic response with a few suggestions that helped me isolate the problem. (It was on my side, and was solved by rebooting my wireless router and cable modem a couple of times. Comcast, you suck.)

But I still stand by my original premise. Had they done that to begin with, I would never have had to invoke the power of People Suck to get the problem fixed. Instead, they tried to foist off set-up instructions as "help." What they really should've done is suggest I try the computer in a different location or on a different network to see if it was the computer, my connection, or Go Daddy.

So thanks for the help -- finally. You don't suck as much as I thought originally. But watch it. And oh yeah. Kudos to me on the graphic of the week.

I Have Had Enough of Seeing Bears Wipe Their Asses!

Charmin is apparently getting their point across, since I'm blogging about this, but am I the only one who's tired of their commercials?

This is supposed to be a series of cutesy cartoon commercials for Charmin to hock its toilet paper. Showing a human in the bathroom isn't suitable for TV -- so what's the next best alternative? I guess showing the ramifications of bears using sub par toilet paper in the forest? Good grief.

It's not cute when a bear is holding itself because it has to go to the bathroom (pictured), and it's definitely not cute when a bear has specs of toilet paper stuck to its backside. Whether it's a bear or not, that represents one thing -- hanging dingleberries, -- and its disgusting.

Why can't Charmin dig up Mr. Whipple and start asking people to "not squeeze the Charmin" again, instead of subjecting us to this crap?

Besides, how does this commercial prove that Charmin works better than other toilet paper out on the market? Because it doesn't stick to the backside of the bear when he's done? That's all fine and good for the bear, but I'm really hairy. How will it work for me?

So, Charmin, please do us all a favor, and stop showing us bears urinating and defecating in the forest. They can't use toilet paper -- they don't even have opposable thumbs, for Christ's sake. Get more creative!

RoadRage

Abbott Cornering Carcinogen Market?

Is reducing the signs and symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis and/or Crohn's Disease worth the risk of cancer and/or heart disease?

Abbott Laboratories seems to think so, as they are continually marketing a drug called Humira on TV. In the ad (like most prescription drug ads) you see people enjoying life, happy as clams because they found the wonder drug that has helped with their ailment.

And, these people continue to smile as if they have no care in the world, as the announcer reads off the side effects associated with taking Humira -- which include "certain types of cancer" (lymphoma) and "new" heart failure -- so if you had no signs of heart failure in the past, taking Humira can lead to it.

Why don't they just market this as a suicide drug? Humira, or other drugs like it known as TMF blockers, have actually caused cancer or heart disease in people who have taken them in the past. So, how does the FDA approve carcinogens like this? Isn't there a better way to treat victims of disease without introducing the possibility of more deadly diseases? It's like injecting people with the bubonic plague to cure dandruff.

And, how did Abbott Labs pull the wool over the eyes of the FDA to get this drug approved -- unless it was the wool that makes up the millions of dollars in U.S. currency that they flashed in front of them to get the okay.

Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather not take medicine that has the potential to kill me. I think most Americans would agree, and the FDA needs to start considering the interest of the general public when deciding to grant licenses for "cures" like Humira.

RoadRage

People Suck Mother of the Year Award

I've been enjoying the first few days of Eggnog season and watching the Red Sox beat up on the Tampa Bay Rays, so things haven't been riling up ol' RoadRage. That is, until I went online yesterday to find the latest news.

On top of having to deal with the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, the financial crisis, and gas prices not dropping nearly as much as they should be, we still have to deal with morons like 31-year-old Shawna Foster out of Victorville, CA -- winner of RoadRage's 2008 Mother of the Year Award. Congratulations Shawna, for showing mothers how to be a complete imbecile.

Apparently, Shawna's daughter told her mom she was getting verbally abused by a classmate, so to teach her daughter a lesson on how to stand up for herself, she brought her to a local park to fight this name-calling girl. Brilliant!

The problem for Shawna is that her daughter was easily pummeled by her adversary, as you can see in this video. And keep watching ... instead of just breaking up the fight, mom decides to join in on the action, forcefully pulling (er, uh, yanking) the other girl by the hair off her daughter. Then to top it off, she hauls off and smacks her right across the face.

Shawna is being charged with corporal punishment of a minor. Is that justice? How should a dumb ass like this be treated? How would you feel if a 31-year-old mammoth slapped your girl across the face. Now, RoadRage is never one to call for the physical beating of a lady, but maybe the term, "That's no lady!" applies here, and someone should pound on this woman to knock some sense in to her.

While they determine what's going to happen to her, she can enjoy her People Suck Award and show it off to all her buddies at the local bar, as she regales them with tales of her undisputed fighting title against the Victorville 12-year-old division.

RoadRage

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year Starts Early!

Stock market tanked again today, yet another expansion team is going to make it to the World Series before the Cubs and according to Senator John McCain, Ohio's Joe the Plumber is in a hell of a pickle over his small business.

But today, none of it matters because eggnog season officially kicked off! Woo-hoo!

I was out with my daughter tonight picking up some things from the grocery store. As I passed through the dairy section, I went to get some Lucerne chocolate milk (highly recommended), and right next to the chocolate milk was the most glorious sight I have seen since the Cubs' Derrek Lee miraculously got a hit with guys on base to beat the Brewers in extra innings in a late September game -- a half gallon bottle of EGGNOG! It is finally back from hibernation!

For those of you who have been reading this blog, you know that I am a marathon runner -- and the main reason I run is so that I am in good enough physical condition, so that I can thoroughly enjoy Eggnog season. The season usually starts the first or second week of November, so I'm glad I ran two races this year to prepare for the early start.

Since Eggnog is one of the worst things you can put in your body, in order to enjoy it to the level I like, I have to exercise five to six days a week 52 weeks a year. I have probably taken 8-10 years off my life with my eggnog fetish, but it's worth it.

I used to drink a quart of eggnog each day for lunch when I was younger. I can't do that anymore, unfortunately, but now I can enjoy eggnog ice cream (Oberweis is the best), eggnog cheesecake, eggnog pound cake, eggnog cup cakes -- and if I could afford it, I'd buy enough to take an eggnog bath, like David Letterman once did -- but alas, that will remain a pipe dream.

A lot of things suck right now, and as we enter the Christmas season this year, consumers will be struggling to buy gifts for their friends and families, and holding onto their homes for that matter. This Christmas season, as you try to cope with all of the stress, eggnog can serve as a great healer -- I encourage everyone who is feeling blue to reach for a big glass of non-alcoholic eggnog and enjoy the nectar of the gods!

RoadRage

Go Daddy "tech support," you suck

Ol' Ty isn't the happiest of fellows on the best of days, but today I am really pissed. I have found the absolute worst example of alleged customer service -- the people at Go Daddy, the domain name supplier.

About a week ago, the e-mail account that is tied to my personal laptop's Outlook ceased working. No apparent reason, it just stopped sending and receiving. I thought it would come back within 24 hours, but when it didn't I decided to contact Go Daddy technical support to ask them to check on it. The e-mail account goes through Go Daddy's server since that's who administers the domain I'm using with it.

After explaining the problem -- no e-mail access -- the response I got was unbelievable. Basically, some mope on the other end cut and pasted some instructions out of their FAQs on how to set up an e-mail account and essentially wished me good luck. Unreal! The account has been set up and working for two freakin' years! Now it's not. It has nothing to do with how it's set up on my end. I know, because I checked, and everything is the way they said it should be.

So I wrote back and told them (in so many words) "Listen morons! My side is fine. I want you to check your servers and settings to see if they are ok." They responded that they don't support "third party applications" and thus can provide no further assistance. WTF? I already told you my "third party application" is fine but your something on your end looks like it's messed up.

To top it all off, they also said the e-mail relay should be set up like so, and I should check it by logging in to my account. Only when I tried to log in last night I kept getting a message that Internet Explorer couldn't find the site. IE would take me everywhere else, just not into my account. It also wouldn't let me create a new account, so again I'd say their servers were the problem. When I responded with that, much angrier now, they told me it could be a problem with IE and I should try Firefox. Again, with a cut and pasted answer.

I am thoroughly fed up with them, and will begin my search for a new domain name supplier posthaste. I am no IT expert, but it seems to me that a little effort on their part would've gone a long way. Couldn't they have at least done what I asked and checked the settings? Not to mention offer some suggestions on what to do if it isn't a problem with the basic set up?

Quite frankly, I feel like I would've had better luck if the technical support department at Go Daddy was stocked entirely with monkeys. Go Daddy tech support, you really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really suck.

Why Can't My MD be Doc Baker?

Remember Doctor Hiram Baker from Little House on the Prairie? His patients use to pay him with fruit pies, goats and chickens, and he never complained. He just did his job because he wanted to help the people in his community.

I wouldn't expect today's doctors to be paid in poultry, but how about some compassion and common decency for their patients?

RoadRage rarely goes to doctors because there hasn't been much need, but I have had a couple of bad experiences over the past few years.

When I tried to run my first marathon, I tore my Achilles tendon (self-diagnosis). After suffering through the pain for two months, I finally went to the doctor to find out what was wrong. Three hours and no X-ray later, I was told that there was nothing wrong with me. The doctor spent two minutes with me and asked what pain I was feeling. He then told me he couldn't do anything for me. That is, except for send me a bill for doing nothing.

That experience reminded me of the story my dad told me about my grandmother. She was in an elevator when her doctor came in and asked her how she was doing, since he had treated her for an ailment recently. She updated him, telling him she was doing fine, and two weeks later she received a bill for $50. The good doctor had charged her for a doctor visit for their elevator conversation.

More recently. Mrs. RoadRage went in for an out-patient back surgery. She'd been having back pain the last few years, and it finally became too much for her to endure, so she opted for surgery. The surgery took 45 minutes, and according to the doctors at Condell Medical Center, that warrants a bill for $40,000. Most of it was covered by insurance, but a good portion of it wasn't. The worst part was that we received two separate $1,000 charges for doctors who were in the room to monitor the equipment -- doctors who weren't in our insurance plan. We had no idea they were there, and the surgeon never gave us any forewarning, so that we can request doctors who were in our plan. We were never told until after the surgery, so for all we know, their presence could have just been (and most likely was) a fabrication to line the pockets of the medical facility.

Doc Baker had a lot of drawbacks -- no access to fancy equipment, no nurses to assist him, and no car to get him to emergencies. But, I wish the ideology of his mythological doctoring existed today -- physicians who truly care about their patients, and don't make up ways to falsely charge people for services that were never rendered.

Too many people in the medical profession today suck!

RoadRage

Here's What Sucks About Marathons

Running marathons is very gratifying, and every different race across the country has its own particular charm. But, like everything else in this world, there are aspects about marathons that suck. And, in honor of today's Chicago Marathon, I thought I'd rattle off the top five things that suck about running marathons.

5. When you talk with people who don't participate, and you tell them you're running a marathon, you inevitably are asked, "How long is this marathon?" If I wanted to be a wise ass I could just repeat that it's a marathon, since the definitive distance of a marathon is 26.2 miles, but I just tell them since I know they're just ignorant and are trying to be conversational. I knew how long a marathon was way before I started running them -- shouldn't it be considered general knowledge?

4. If you are not running a well-organized marathon, like the one in Chicago, the port-o-potties can be few and far between. There are many runners who can't hold their bowels for more than ten minutes, so they feel it necessary to take a very short detour off the course to relieve themselves. Unavoidable, but still disgusting.

3. Going corporate -- After running four Chicago Marathons, I will never participate again. When I started, my family used to be able to sit in the seats at the finish line and watch me as I finally made it to the end. It's what makes the race worth running -- and in fact, it's what makes running smaller marathons so enjoyable. In Chicago, LaSalle Bank (and now Bank of America) decided to give the seats at the finish line to race sponsors, and now friends and family of participants can't watch you complete the race -- so what's the point?

2. People who die running marathons. For those of you who are training to run future races, get this through your head -- unless you are an elite runner, there is no way in hell that you are going to win the marathon. Slow down, make sure you hydrate yourself and eat bananas, if necessary. If you feel dizzy, nauseated, or like you are going to pass out just stop and walk. There's no reason to push yourself to the point that you are going to die, you're not Kenyan, so just enjoy the fact that you are going to complete the race. Which brings me to the final thing that sucks about marathons ...

1. Kenyans. If baseball players are taking human growth hormones, these guys (and women) must be taking human reduction hormones. How the hell can they run basically 13 miles an hour for two hours straight with no breaks, no pain, and then afterwards just act like they ran around the block? The worst part about it is when you are running the race. You just finished mile 13 and you hear that the Kenyans have already crossed the finish line. It's more than a little demoralizing to realize that you still have 13 miles to go, and that by the time you finish, the Kenyans will probably be flying over New York by then.

That being said, these are minor issues. For those of you who are looking to improve your health, I highly recommend setting the goal of running a marathon. Like I said at the beginning, you'll find things that suck with everything in this world, and marathons are a little less sucky than everything else.

RoadRage

Here's an idea -- play some defense!

Ok, now I'm pissed. The financial crisis is bad, but I've been hanging in there. People suck at driving but I've been living with it. But today was the last straw.

When the hell are the Bears going to get rid of their lame defensive coordinator and get someone in there who knows how freakin' stop somebody? The end of today's game was bad enough. But if you were watching throughout the game, you saw the kind of performance that led to what happened at the end.

This is not Bear football. It's not football at all. The team continues to let rookie and inexperienced quarterbacks march up and down the field like they're Brett friggin' Favre. Their back are consistently five yards off the receivers at all times, allowing eight and 10 yard gains at a time. If Atlanta was any better at putting the ball in the end zone there wouldn't have been any last-minute histrionics because the game wouldn't have been close at the end. I don't think they took the Falcons three out and even once.

For cryin' out loud! Get rid of the coordinator who shall not be named and everybody who thinks like him. Get a guy who has a pair already and let's start stopping somebody BEFORE they're in the shadow of the damn end zone.