Jim BeloucheBag

If there's one thing Smails hates, it's show boaters. And the biggest show boater of them all is Jim Belushi.

What makes this post hard is that Jim "Little John" Belushi played one of my favorite roles of all time in one of my favorite movies of all time. The lines he had in that film are used on a regular basis by Smails and Rage. His role carved the way for me longing, as a kid, to eventually live in the city on the north side (done) and having a best friend who's banging Demi Moore. One out of two ain't bad.

I liked him for a long time... up until a personal experience I had with him at the 1991 NHL All Star Game at the Old Barn on Madison. You see, Jim was the celebrity mascot for the Hawks. It was a neat idea by the NHL to have celebrity mascots, one of whom was Fred Rogers for the Penguins. True story. My personal experience for this ambassador for the crest was being in the beer line at one of the vending areas and having him cut in line ahead of the guy in front of me. He charmingly asked the guy if he could cut ahead. The guy said, "Yes." But when he asked for an autograph, Belushi scowled and said," Sorry. I don't have time for you." He grabbed his beer and ducked into a doorway next to the vending area. From that point forward, it pained me to think that Litko would treat the common man like that.

So it was no surprise to me that now that the Cubs are doing well, who shows up to sing the "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" on the last day but the fair weather Belushi. What really surprised me is that the Cubs chose Belushi to be the celebrity master of ceremonies at today's idiotic rally at Daley Plaza downtown.

So, how did the venerable Chicagoan do? Well, he introduced Crane Kenney as "Crane Kennedy," Kosuke Fukudome as "Koske Fukunome" and Jeff Samarzija as "Jeff Smarzgfhkjhg." At least he kicked things off by singing "Sweet Home Chicago" before collecting his paycheck for the appearance.

C'mon, Cub brass. Are you trying to tell me there wasn't a better celebrity Cubs fan to lead this thing? No? Well, here is what would have been my short list:

• John Cusack -- Not only is he spotted quite regularly at Wrigley, but with childhood friend Jeremy Piven now getting way more tang than him, it would have been a good esteem booster for him.
• William Petersen -- Bill is a lifelong Cubs fan. He also has baseball prowess from an acting perspective, having played the Crash Davis-esque role in "Long Gone," the HBO film about minor league ball which came out around the time of "Bull Durham."
  Smails note: I one time asked him a question about his role in that film when he was a guest host on WSCR back in 1997.
• Bill Murray -- Sure he makes tons of money, making him tops on the affordable list, but I am pretty certain he would have made concessions to emcee the rally. He is a huge Cubs fan and even demanded a TV with satellite connection in 2003 when he was filming overseas during the 2003 playoffs.
• Jeff Garlin -- Sure, he came out on an HBO (his employer) special about the Cubs a couple of years back, but in a recent WGN special about the Cubs, he was interviewed about Andre Dawson's homer in his last home at bat at Wrigley in 1987 (I believe.).
  
• George Will -- I just vomited.
• Ryno -- All I can say is, "Duh."
• Joe Mantegna -- Imagine Fat Tony introducing Ron Santo. "We'd break his legs, but he no longer has them."
  
• Bonnie Hunt -- Actually, Bonnie would have been my personal choice, even though I have never liked a piece of her work. She is a huuuuuuge Cubs fan, goes to opening day every year, is loved by many and would have been real in every word she said. She loves the Cubs more than anything, and although she has had many Cubs TV booth visits, she is humble about it and rather than yapping about her next failed movie or TV show, she acts like a fan--real. Also, she is H-O-double-T: Hot.
• Notice how I didn't mention Dennis Franz? He shouldn't have shown his ample carriage in the buff on NYPD Blue.
  

So, there you have it, Cubs. You could have done better than Belushi. What scares me the most about today, aside from early celebrating being a jinx, is Belushi's appearance in the video recap of the 1990-1991 Blackhawks, that team for which he was mascot, when he forcibly looked into the camera and said, "Blackhawks. Gonna go all the way. This is the year." They finished the year with the best record in the NHL and got swept in the first round of the playoffs by the now nonexistent Minnesota North Stars.

Don't ever lose your sense of humor, Jim. Don't EVER LOSE your sense of humor!

Judge Elihu Smails