Friday, August 22, 2008

Move in, round boy


Let me start this by stating that I'm not exactly a small guy. I'm quite aware of it, and while not happy about the situation I don't appear to be able to order the house salad at Portillo's when there's a beef sandwich calling me from the kitchen.

That being said, it simply amazes how many fat guys seem to be blissfully unaware of how much space they occupy at any given time. Apparently they missed any discussion of basic physics in fifth grade science class. The reason I say this is yesterday I was actually at Portillo's, trying to make my way to a table with RoadRage and a few others, when I hit an impass. Some ginormous dude had plopped his fat ass down and was overhanging a seat that was right in the aisle -- despite the fact there was another seat just a 90 degrees away that would've taken him completely out of the way.

Not only did he sit there, but as I approached with my bag o' goodness he never even made a token effort to inch his way forward so I could get through. He reminded me of the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail -- None shall pass. The person on the other side of the aisle, who was normal-size incidentally, did try to scoot in as best she could, but it was still a tight squeeze. I managed to get a leg through, then the other leg, and proceeded on my way.

Fat guys, listen up: stay out of the traffic lanes in restaurants, bowling alleys, movie theaters, rock concerts, and other public locations. Find an out of the way seat for your blubber and leave it there. We'll all be a lot happier.

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