Urinal etiquitte

Ol' Ty is really on a rampage this morning. So many morons, so little time.

This rant has to do with guys who don't know the basic etiquitte involved in using a urinal. I'm not talking about missing the thing completely -- that's a whole other problem. I'm talking about which one to go to when there is a choice.

The basic laws of urinal etiquitte state that if there are more than three urinals and none are being used, you go to the one on the left or the right. Either is acceptable. But never one in the middle. If the one on the right is being used, you go to the one on your left. Again, never the one in the middle. If there are many, you expand these options out. The object is always, always to keep your junk as far away from the junk of everyone else. You only stand next to someone if there is simply no other choice. Everyone knows this, and the rules have probably in place since the only choice men had was to pee on trees (aka God's urinals).

Yet we have a guy in our office complex who doesn't seem to get it. He always goes to the middle of three as though it has his name on it. (And no, his name isn't Koehler.) There's nothing like walking and seeing him in the middle while the two outside posts remain unoccupied. Worse yet is when I am using the one on the right and he walks directly to the one in the middle, completely bypassing the proper choice, which is on the left.

How could anyone not understand this concept? Personal space is important to all of us. Personal space at the urinal is critical. Ladies, be glad you have individual stalls and don't have to put up with suckiness like this. Unless you go to certain Dairy Queens, I guess.