Yes, Your Excellency, Sir, Your Wish is My Command

I haven't complained about people who suck up to their bosses yet because the tale of the brown noser is evergreen. They're always around, no matter where you work.

I have been out of school for 13 years now, and it amazes me how many "professionals" think that the key to success is not how hard you work or your performance on the job, but how much you compliment your boss.

Almost everything about brown nosers annoys me, but I think the biggest pain in the ass is that no matter what comes out of the boss's mouth, it's the funniest thing said brown noser has ever heard in his or her life.

Here's a conversation between the boss and your typical brown noser, who I'll call Frank:

Boss: "Good morning, Frank."

Frank: "Oh, that's rich Chief. Uh-ho-ho-ho, how do you come up with them. Your wit is unmatchable, my liege. Uh-ho-ho-ho!"

Boss: "All I said was good morning, Frank."

Frank: "It's not what you said, it's how you said it. Your comedic stylings are impeccable, your Excellency."

Boss: "Well ... have a good day, Frank."

Frank: "Another zinger! I'll have to remember that one, your Lordship."

So, the boss walks away and Frank is full of pride, thinking about what a great rapport he has with "His Majesty." Meanwhile, the boss is in his office thinking about what a jackass Frank is.

Next time you brown nosers out there are thinking about sucking up to your boss, here's how you do it: turn a profit for the company, come up with an innovative business idea, or bring in some new customers. And, save the chortling for when you watch Family Matters, you jackass!

RoadRage