Grand Theft Dumbasses

I was watching the news tonight, when I got up to get a glass of water. As I was walking away, they were teasing their next story, saying that some kids from New York were in trouble for emulating a popular video game.

I was hoping that the delinquents were big fans of Smurf: Rescue in Gargamel's Castle, and they were in trouble for knocking over city property as they jumped obstacles to save their fair Smurfette. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

These four geniuses were in fact assaulting innocent bystanders -- using makeshift weapons to attack a man outside a grocery store, then a woman who was sitting in her car. And, of course, after being arrested, they blamed the video game Grand Theft Auto. That makes sense, because as anyone who has ever played video games knows, they are filled with subliminal messages telling players that copying what they do in video games in real life is just plain fun.

The group (ranging in age from 14-17) will be charged as adults, but how do you punish this type of idiocy? Simple jail time is not enough.

On top of the 5-10 years hard time they should receive, their days should be filled with watching wholesome shows like The Wiggles, Suite Life and Family Matters. If after that they make it through their full sentence without committing suicide, they would have earned their place back in society.

Come to think of it, jail time on top of being forced to watch those three shows may be viewed as a little too excessive.