How About Parkin' Those Tootsies In Some Shoes?

It’s that time of year again! The cold and rain has been replaced by warm, sunshiny days… and the regular view of every podiatrists’ wet dream on pretty much a daily basis.

Listen, I understand that those of you with ugly feet may be doing your ego and stepping out from behind your insecurities, but, heavens, could you please keep your carnival toes to yourself when in the general public? Some of us have appetites and sex drives we want to maintain.

If your toes look like a handful of salted-in-shell peanuts, you need to keep them in a shoe, rather than spread across an open-toe sandal, making your piggies look like a still shot of tiny wild horse breaking for freedom.

Spoiler alert. If you don’t know you have ugly feet, you have ugly feet.

On the plus side, you may have America’s introverts now looking you in the eye when they talk to you, but have you seen your face?

Alright!

Don't want to hear it from me? How about Tony Bennett?