Remember to Wash Behind Your Ears

Hey, New York. Bath day isn’t just Saturday anymore. On a recent business trip, I had to transfer through LaGuardia. Upon exiting my plane at LaGuardia, my nostrils were stung by the lingering smell of spent urine. With the lack of air conditioning in the terminal, the gate area reminded me of the men’s head at Chicago Stadium during one of those warm late series Hawks playoffs games.

What gives with this airport? The last time I was there, in early 2001, there was construction. Today? Still construction. And nothing has improved. This place makes Midway Airport look like Hong Kong International—a daunting task, yet one that New York performs with ease.

As my plane lifted off from the Flushing cesspool, all I could think about were those poor souls who died in the plane crash in November 2001, heading home to Puerto Rico. All they were trying to do is escape to a place with indoor plumbing.

The only highlight of my 90-minute layover was the E-List celebrity spotting.